“It hurts,” he grated. “Is that what you want to hear?”
She shook her head, her russet brows drawing close together. “I just want the truth.”
“I always tell you the truth. You’re the one who never knows what to do with it.” The words shot from his mouth like an acid-tipped lance.
Bel’s nostrils flared. “Don’t throw two conversations at me at once. You know I’m not good at that.”
“Something to work on.Your Highness.”
Bel stood, her eyes glowing blue slits and fire licking down her arms as she leaned forward and slapped her hands on the table. “Whyare we fighting?”
Carver sprang to his feet, pain stabbing through him. He bent in, putting them nose to nose, the smell of hot cherries and charred wood soaking the air between them. “Because we’re not kissing,” he snarled.
Her eyes shot wide. She sucked in a breath and lurched away from him, leaving two handprints scorched into the table.
Carver’s heart walloped his ribs. He straightened, his aching body creaking upright. “Forget I said that.” He speared a hand through his hair with a rough push back, and the fresh burst of pain under his bandages felt like a fitting punishment. He hadn’t meant to shout that out at all, let alone like an accusation.
“No.” Bel shook her head. She seemed to tremble, short of breath. Bright-red splotches spread across her face and neck, but her flames snuffed out, apparently doused by the idea ofhim. “And you don’t truly want to kiss me. You’re lonely, and I’m…here. Still around.” She stepped back from the table and half turned away from him. “Not dead.”
Shock managed to numb some of the pain thumping through Carver’s back. “Notdead?”
“You heard me.” Lifting her chin, she faced him again. “You already chose someone, and you’re all the same in your family.Great, undying loves. You don’t change your minds. It’s for life… In death…”
“It’s a great, undying love when it’s reciprocal!” It took him long enough, but he’d finally understood. He’dseen. “Otherwise, it’s just one idiot holding on to something that doesn’t exist.”
She almost looked offended on his behalf. “I don’t think you’re an idiot.”
“Well, that’s something at least,” Carver fumed as he rounded the table. If that piece of wood separated them for one more second, he would destroy it, and he liked that table. It was their first purchase in Atlantis. “But you’re right. Ididchoose.” He stopped in front of her. “Look where I am. Look who I’m with.”
Fire abruptly drenched every lock of hair on her head. She made a visible effort to calm the surge, then roughly said, “I’m just the substitute.”
Outrage flooded him.The substitute?“Are you godsdamned kidding me? I haven’t wanted to spend a day without you since the moment we met, even though youenragedme.” His feet instinctively carried him a step closer before his thoughts caught up, but Bel didn’t bolt. “All I wanted to do was fight you, tease you, best you, infuriate you until you burst into flames, because then I actuallyfeltsomething. Like I was alive again. Excited. Not sure what might happen next. Fascinated. Angry. Happy. Do you know how long it’d been since I was happy?” he growled. “And I don’t mean fooling everyone day in and day out until I’d almost fooled myself. I mean the real thing.”
She swallowed. “Yes, I think so.”
“Konstantina crushed me. We all know that. But do you know what the best thing about seeing everyone else find their happiness is? Learning to believe I might get that same chance myself.”
She went white as a sail. “Don’t make me responsible for your happiness. I’m not capable…”
“Not capable?” He almost laughed. “I chose you. I came to Atlantis with you because I couldn’t imagine a day without you in my life. And you know what? You chose me, too.”
She shook her head, her breath coming fast and short. “I would’ve left you behind.”
“You wouldn’taskme to come. It’s not the same thing. But just before that, you traded your life for mine.”
Confusion dented her forehead. “I’m not dead.”
“And that’s only because of the healing stone Persephone gave my sister. You didn’t know she had it. I didn’t know. We both thought that was it—the end. I saw you breathe your last breath. I held your hand as it went slack. Only the magic of the Queen of the Underworld, who has a hand in life and death, brought you back. You chose me over your own life. And because you don’t appear to understand it,that’slove. I chose you over everything. Do you know what that means?”
Her near-panicked gaze darted to his. “That…you love me?”
“Don’t frame it like a godsdamned question, Bel!” He clenched his fists and even that hurt. He’d be in blazing pain for a week, but it was nothing compared to the fire in his heart.
“But there are all kinds of love.” She spread her hands in front of her, almost a shield to hold him back. “Family and friendship, simple goodness…”
“Intimacy,” Carver supplied since she wouldn’t.
She sucked in a breath. “I’m not good at that. I told you, I’m not what you want.”
