Fiona’s whole face slackened, melting into something practically orgasmic. “Tess. My hero. Seriously, that’ll be the most pleasure I’ve had that wasn’t self-induced in five years and counting. I could kiss you right now.”
My mouth twitched. “Shade might object.”
She shook her head, the dark ends of her ponytail dancing across her shoulders. “Are you kidding? In my experience, men are hot for women kissing.”
“But neither you nor I are hot for women,” I pointed out.
“Well, there is that,” she agreed. “Speaking of men, Jax is always a nervous wreck when you’re out of his sight, but this time, he was about two nail bites away from a total breakdown.”
I looked over at Jax, my heart pinching. He was a part of my skeleton, helping to hold me upright and together. I had other bones, though. Starway 8 and Mareeka and Surral. Shade. Fiona. Coltin. I hoped Shiori, and even Merrick now.
“I wish he’d let someone else in enough to…” I trailed off, not sure what I really wanted to say. It wasn’t a burden to me to be Jax’s anchor, but if something happened to me, it would be like the DT massacre—all his eggs in one basket.
Except he already loved other people and had a family that loved him back. He just wouldn’t admit it, especially his attachment to Fiona, because admitting it made it real enough to break him if something terrible happened, like it had to Miko and Shiori.
“It’s his dead wife he wants, even seven years later.” Fiona’s moss-green eyes deadened like her tone. Hearing her sound so dejected jarred a frown from me. She was a fighter, through and through.
“I don’t believe that for a second. He wants you. He’s just too scared of losing the people he loves again to admit he loves anyone.”
She sighed. “We all know he loves you.”
“It’s different. I’m like his sister.” The sister he’d lost also, along with his wife and children. The Dark Watch had only spared him to torture him with loss, grief, and prison. “But that’s not what he needs. He’s a man in his prime. He needs a partner.”
Fiona snorted softly. “Try telling him that.”
“Maybe I will.” Maybe I should have a long time ago, instead of indulging him in his need to pine for things that were gone forever.
I watched the man in question walk back toward us with a set of coolers in his hands. Big, sturdy, strong, fucked-up Jax. He was everyone else’s rock, even though he was a landslide waiting to happen.
What would be less destructive in the end? Setting him off and clearing the terrain? Or trying to shore him up and keep the dam from breaking?
“I guess there are no secrets between us.” Fiona dragged her eyes from Jax to look at me again.
If only that were true. Six bags of A1 blood in Bridgebane’s hands right now proved otherwise. But she was talking about her feelings for Jax—a subject we’d broached aloud exactly once: right now. “He saved your life. He ran through an actual hail of bullets for you—a total stranger to him at the time. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?”
“It was actually after. Or maybe it started then. I’m not sure.” She shrugged. “I must like the tortured, unattainable type.”
I squeezed our linked arms and bumped her hip again. The others were almost within earshot, so I lowered my voice. “I think you like the kind, capable, desperately-needs-you type.”
Her eyes brimmed with tears. She slammed her lids shut. “Shit. What’s wrong with me?”
I stared at her in shock. Fiona. Did. Not. Cry.
She turned, hiding her face, and I jumped forward to intercept the others. I said something inane to Shade, which I didn’t remember two seconds later, and then dove into Jax’s cooler to slow him down. I rummaged for a food I recognized. “Oh! Melon! Excellent!” Triumphant, I held up the green and yellow ball as though it contained the keys to the universe.
Everyone looked at me as if I’d lost my marbles. Fiona cracked up behind me, which was all I needed. My mission accomplished, I slipped the hard-coated fruit back into Jax’s container, careful not to bruise it.
Once they got over my fruitastic outburst, the group’s attention inevitably turned to the stranger among us. Whisking out a hand, I introduced the tall, sure-footed woman carrying the final stash of complimentary goodies from the bungalow. “This is Sanaa Mwende. She’s General Bridgebane’s personal bodyguard.”
Jax whirled on Sanaa with a scowl. “What the hell is she doing here?”
“How did this happen?” Fiona’s question was more reasonable, although her eyes shot daggers that would rival the lieutenant’s hidden arsenal.
Merrick set down his food cargo, instantly fighting ready.
“We ended up on Reaginine and ran into my uncle.” We’d already warned Sanaa that the crew didn’t know about the blood exchange. They only knew that Bridgebane hadn’t harmed me on Starway 8 and that he seemed to want to protect me from the Overseer. “It went surprisingly well, all things considered.”
Protests erupted, almost deafening as they echoed around the hangar only we occupied. I held up a hand for quiet. “Not only did he agree to drop the bounty on Shade, but he’s trying to get us information about Shiori.”
