I sucked one in again when she slapped on a bandage with her full hand, pressing hard. She was punishing me for scaring the shit out of her and putting us all in danger.
“I’m sorry,” I said to everyone.
It was Jaxon who finally spoke. “He had us all fooled, Tess.”
I nodded, pretending that a lump wasn’t rising in my throat again, nearly choking me, and that my eyes weren’t burning hot. I blinked a few times. I wasn’t going to cry over that jackass. Not today. Not tomorrow. Notever.
“Get us to Flyhole.” The order came out gruffly, but it was the best I could do without breaking down. “I’m going to suit up.”
“Careful of your stitches,” Fiona warned. “Need help?”
It was complicated to suit up alone, but I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone looking at my body right now. This body had betrayed me, led me down the wrong path. I could still feel Shade all over me,insideme. Smell him on my skin.
I shuddered, sickened on too many levels to sort it all out. Trusting Shade had been one of the stupidest things I’d ever done, and my willful blindness had put the people I loved in danger. I’d ignored the risk to them, and to myself, because I’d wanted him. It was as simple and as terrible as that.
I hated my body right now. I hadn’t deserved the lash marks on my back when they’d happened. Now, I felt like I’d earned them, and they were the only part of me that I could stand.
I shook my head, finally answering Fiona. I sounded almost normal when I spoke, probably surprising us all. “I’ll change on my own. But thanks, Fi. Thanks for everything.”
She smiled. “I love shooting things up.”
I smiled weakly in return. Yeah, she did.
“Thanks, everyone.” I glanced down, hiding the damn sheen that was blurring my vision again. “Thanks for having my back.”
Without looking at me, Jax grumbled something and just kept steering us up and toward the Dark.
No one else answered. We didn’t need to thank each other, but I still did.
“He fixed the ship.” Miko looked over from where she sat with her old, beat-up coordinates book, looking pensive when she should have been punching in numbers as if the hand she still had depended on it—which it probably did. “Shade, I mean. Don’t you think that’s weird?”
I shrugged, not answering. I didn’t understand anything he’d done.
“Shit. I almost forgot. Check your tablet,” Miko said. “A message came through last night from Starway 8.”
Dread plowed into me. Time was dangerously tight with the hunters after us, but I needed to look now in case the message told us we had to figure out a way to avoid a quarantine blockade around Sector 8.
I reached for the tablet and woke it up, quickly accessing my messages. This one was from Surral.
Things are worse. Unless you’re absolutely certain you can help, do not risk yourselves. No military quarantine yet, but it could happen at any time.
Tess, I’m sorry. Coltin is sick.
I grabbed the edge of my console to steady myself and swallowed hard. I would lay down my life to protect Starway 8 and everyone in it, but I recognized that my deepest attachment to the orphanage could be drawn in the portraits of four faces: Mareeka, Surral, Gabe, and Coltin.
I had no idea what had happened to Gabe, or whether he was even alive. I would not lose Coltin.
I left the bridge, my heart a tight, aching knot, and turned right, rubbing my chest as I headed for the spacewalk gear in the utility room at the end of the corridor.
My mind whirred, even though I wanted to shut it off. Shade. Hunters. Coltin. Shade. I couldn’t stop myself; my thoughts kept jumping back to the man I’d believed I could trust.
What had he been doing? With me? With the ship? Why?
TheEndeavor didwork. The starboard door closed and locked. We were flying. Shade didn’t appear to have sabotaged anything. And the fact that he was surely tracking us right now hardly mattered, considering I was the idiot who’d told him exactly where we were going next.
I slammed my palm into the cold metal wall beside me, punishing myself for my stupidity. The sharp pain in my hand only helped for a second before hurt and betrayal and fear came roaring back.
Our choices stank. Actually, we had none. We were going to Starway 8. The kids there needed us. Coltin needed me, and I would go to him, even if it meant falling into a trap.
