“The third?”
“Yes. So, once Kral—to his intense fury and frustration, which I greatly enjoyed—couldn’t find any trace of our sister, we journeyed back to the Imperial Palace. No surprise, though I went peaceably enough, all was not forgiven.” I smiled withouthumor as Ursula’s gaze darkened. “My father, the emperor; Empress Hulda; my brother Hestar; Kral—they all brought considerable pressure on me to reveal where my sister had gone.”
“You didn’t tell them you didn’t know?”
“Sure I did. They didn’t believe me. If I hadn’t helped her final escape, then they’d have to accept that a young woman, barely more than a girl, whom they’d devoted enormouseffort into molding to be obedient and helpless, had somehow succeeded at defying them all. Which is more likely?”
She nodded, slowly, then looked at me with concern. “What pressure did they put on you?”
I lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “It was long ago, and the young man I was no longer needs defending.”
“I’ll decide what needs defending. What pressure?”
“The usual, Essla,” I told herwearily. “What you’d imagine—beatings, flogging, starvation, back-breaking work, humiliating me by stripping me of rank, of what little power I possessed.”
“I’m so sorry, Harlan,” she murmured, looking bereft.
“As I said, it was long ago, and it did a great deal to strengthen me. I learned a lot about myself and what I could withstand. I discovered they couldn’t do anything to me that I wouldn’twillingly suffer, as I always had in my mind’s eye how much worse my sister had suffered, simply for existing. Eventually, however, they discovered something I couldn’t bear.”
“Your mother, and your other sisters,” Ursula guessed, then smiled ruefully at what she saw in my face. “Standard technique for breaking someone, yes? If you can’t break them, hurt someone else in their stead. I bet itworked, too.”
“It did. You know, through all that, I still hadn’t seen Helva. She was only fifteen and not old enough to leave the seraglio and attend the weddingfestivities. But they brought her out to be flogged. Her and Inga both. I couldn’t stop it.”
I thought I’d done well, making it through the story thus far—past what I’d thought were the worst parts—without giving into the wrackinggrief. But the stricken look on Ursula’s face did me in. I’d shed tears for her before, and now she wept for me, mirroring my terrible sorrow.
“I couldn’t stop it,” I told her again. Suddenly weak with the memory, I slid down the wall to sit on the carpeted floor. Ursula sat with me, her silver-clad legs crossed under the split gown, looking almost girlish, nothing of the regal queen or viciouswarrior in her now.
She took one of my hands in hers. “No, Harlan, you couldn’t have stopped it. They did it, not you. You bear no guilt for this.”
I nodded so she’d feel better, though I knew the guilt was in fact all mine, and knuckled away the tears. “Fortunately, they didn’t whip Inga and Helva much.” I barked out a laugh, bitter. “Much. How’s that for temporizing?”
“It’s meaningful,” Ursulainsisted. “Your sisters were young, naïve, tender—it would’ve been easy to make them cry without hurting them severely, especially if the goal was to goad you.”
“I’m not sure that helps.”
“Set it aside for now, but you might find it does help, over time.”
“When did you get so smart?” I touched her cheek and she smiled at me, watery.
“From being around you, obviously.” She cocked her head.“Why didn’t you lie, give them some story for where she’d gone?”
“Two reasons: first, because I didn’t know. I was afraid of inadvertently putting them on her trail. Second, I knew it wouldn’t end anything. When they didn’t find her, they’d just come back to me, and do it all again, only escalating faster. The Konyngrrs don’t give up easily.” I gave her a humorless smile. “I come by my stubbornnesshonestly.”
“So you had to stop it. TheSkablykrrtraining.”
I sobered. “Exactly. I stole out of the Imperial Palace for the second time in my life—which, as you may recall from Jepp’s reports, was by no means an easy task—and I spent six months with the monks ofSkablykrr.”
“And no one found you?”
“Oh, they knew where I was, all right, but even the emperor didn’t dare violate the sanctityof theSkablykrr. And when I returned to the Imperial Palace, they left me alone.”
“But you left a third time. The final time.”
“Yes. I couldn’t live there. Couldn’t be part of any of that any longer. I stayed a few months, recruited some friends, and we stole away. Had some adventures.” I grinned, crookedly, and she smiled back. “I traveled the world, looking for my sister. Eventually I formedthe Vervaldr, taking any job in a place I hadn’t yet searched. Later I ended up here, thinking I might find her somewhere in these lands. Instead, hlyti has guided my footsteps to you.”
“And your family just let you go?”
“Oh, they’d stripped me of my rank and disinherited me already. And they knew they’d get nothing out of me since the vows I’d taken couldn’t be broken.”
