A deep groove settling between his eyebrows, Griffin starts washing the dried blood off my healed skin. Stream water sluices around my arms and middle as I lean back to brace myself, almost shivering. If this is what Griffin needs, I’ll give it to him. I needed a bath anyway. Blood to wash off. Mother to erase.
The icy water is refreshing and restorative once I get used to it. I watch my husband carefully. Griffin doesn’t look at my face. He looks everywhere else and washes me with such determination that my heart aches. His big hands are all over my body, but there’s nothing sensual about it. He’s efficient. Single-minded. Top half. Middle. Legs. Wingless back. Face. He still doesn’t meet my eyes.
When he’s finished, he rocks back on his heels, seeming immune to the cold, and stares down at his hands.
I reach out and touch his chest. His skin is hot, feverish. Or maybe it’s just my hand that’s cold. Goose bumps sweep over his torso. I shift up onto my knees, take the cloth from him, and then start to gently wash him. He stares down at his slack hands where they rest against his thighs, not stopping me. Not helping me. Not saying anything at all.
“Griffin?”
After a while, he grunts.
“It’s okay to lose control every now and then. I certainly do.”
His head stays bowed. “I’m supposed to be the steady one.”
“You are the steady one. But you’re human, too.”
Silence. Then, “I thought you were dead.” The bleakness in his voice cuts straight through me. He’s still staring at his hands, almost as if they were the very weapons used against me.
He finally looks up, regret shattering his expression. “You thought you failed Little Bean today?” He shakes his head. “I failed you both. I couldn’t protect you. I promised you I would. I promised you so many times, and you believed me.”
“No,” I tell him softly. “You believed it, but I never did.”
My heart breaks at how devastated he looks. My name is a whisper that barely crosses his lips. His eyes glass over.
Mine do, too, and as I wrap my arms around him, I tell him what I’ve always understood and believed. “From the moment I let you in, I always knew we’d be protecting each other.”
CHAPTER 17
“So…” I shiver. I’ve had it with sitting in the icy stream. Enough is enough, even for me. “Mother. Big fight. Gods. I fell apart. You fell apart.” I huff a dry laugh. “What a day.”
Griffin nods, his eyes still haunted.
“Are you still considering giving up?” I ask.
“I’m debating,” he answers.
“Don’t waste your time. I won’t let you.”
He frowns.
“You put me in charge, remember? Crown? Head? Me?” I pat the top of my head.
A small grunt escapes him.
“So what’s next?”So much for being in charge.
Griffin must see the humor in that, too, because his expression turns slightly less somber. Then, with a gusty exhale, he stands, pulling me up with him. He sweeps his hands down my chilled arms, warming my pebbled skin.
“You’re cold,” he says in surprise.
“We’re knee-deep in freezing water, it’s autumn on a mountainside, and the sun just dipped behind the trees.”
“I thought you were immune to the cold.”
“Not entirely, although Little Bean does her best to keep me warm.” I glance at my belly. “Maybe she’ll have Fire Magic,” I say, patting where her little life beat is a constant spark inside me. “Auntie Bella can show you how all that fire stuff works.”
Auntie Bella?Where didthatcome from? And Bellanca Tarva is hardly the epitome of control.
