“No.” He shouldn’t believe that. “I was never safe. But I was never happy, either.”
“But you could be safe.” Those haunted eyes turn frantic, and I think the downswing of all that fear and adrenaline is hitting him now and pushing him into shaky territory. He held it together to keep me from falling apart, but there’s only so much a person can take.
“Griffin—”
He slices his head back and forth, cutting me off. “We’ll stop. We’ll stop here.” His eyes dart from side to side, although I doubt he meansherehere. “Your mother won’t live forever. We’ll wait her out. I’ll keep you safe. You and Little Bean. I swear it, Cat. That’s all that mat—”
“Stop.” I put my finger over his lips, quieting his agitated words. “We don’t have a choice. Not anymore.”
“We do. You. Me. Castle Sinta. We’ll put as much distance as possible and two realms’ worth of soldiers between Fisa and us.”
“You mean all those soldiers we recruited on the hope for a safer kingdom for everyone? Who believed in us? Who came to us of their own free will? Use them as a buffer for our own safety and not even try to deliver on our promise?”
He flinches away from me, his jaw clenching hard.
“What happened torefocus?” I ask. “Tocrush her? Maybe I can, and maybe I can’t. I don’t know, but I’m willing to try. I can’t forget about all the people who have rallied to us. Who chant ‘Elpis’ at our gate. Who are waiting for us to change their lives. Suddenly, it’s ‘to the Underworld with them’?” I shake my head. “That’s not you. I know it’s not.”
A long moment of silence goes by while he simply looks at me. Finally, in an utter monotone, Griffin says, “You matter more to me.”
My Kingmaker Magic doesn’t ignite. He means every word.
“Thalyria matters, too,” I say gently. “And that’s okay.”
His mouth flattens, and the arms he still has wrapped around me harden from tension he can’t seem to govern. “Thalyria may matter, but I choose you. I will always choose you.”
I look up into his eyes, emotion clogging my throat. “You can choose me. That’s your right. I’ll choose Thalyria—for both of us.”
He curses and then grinds out, “It’s not worth it. It’s not worth your life.”
“I used to think that, too. But then I met a warlord who took over a realm because he didn’t like the way it was run. People there are happy now. Settled. Prosperous. More so than in centuries.”
His eyes narrow. Yes, I’m playing dirty, but that’s the only way I know how, even if it means catching him in his own idealistic net.
“If no one fights for a better world, thereisno better world. We’ve started this now, Griffin. You can’t go halfway and then stop.”
“I can if it means losing you.”
“I’m not the same person I was last summer. You opened my eyes. You spent weeks convincing me to see the bigger picture, the greater good, and I can’t just close them now because that’s convenient for me, or us, or because we might get hurt.”
“Might?” he growls.
“You saw something in me. You saw the light when all I saw was the dark. You made me believe there was more to me than the blood I’ve shed, the sister I lost, or the realm I abandoned. You broke through the…dreadin me and filled the emptiness inside me with hope. Elpis,” I say. “I’m Elpis because of you. Because ofus, together. I can’t turn my back on that, and you can’t ask me to. It’s too powerful, too much a part of me now. I can’t change that. And I don’t want to.”
Griffin’s eyes flick down and then back up again, his pain and love laid bare across his features. His throat moves on a hard swallow. “I’m afraid of losing you. Or leaving you too soon. I don’t want you to have to fight alone.”
A spasm arrows through my chest. “I understand what you’re feeling. I feel it every day, too. Am I scared? Yes. Do I know if we’ll succeed?” I shake my head. “But not trying… That would be worse than ignoring the gift of Elpis. That would be betraying it, and betraying everyone who’s placed their faith in me.”
A war of emotions crosses Griffin’s face. I reach up and lay my hand on his cheek, and he leans in to me, even though his jaw stays rigid. Standing together, I tell him what’s in my heart.
“When I close my eyes, I don’t see my death. I see people looking at me with a spark of hope just starting to burn in their gazes, hope that springs from me. It’s mine to either snuff out or ignite into the kind of fire that reshapes the world. I see you right next to me, looking at me like you did during those days when we were tied together with a rope, and I had no idea what to think, or do, or whether I should help you. You knew then, for both of us, and I grew to trust you. I know now, and I need you to trustmethis time. I don’t know how to finish what we started, but if we stop here, I let the darkness back in. Into me. Into everyone. And it’ll consume me with guilt.”
His face twists from the conflict inside him. “I can’t lose you. Our baby…”
“Then fight alongside me. Fight for Little Bean’s future. Help me be strong.”
Abruptly, he pulls back from me, shaking his head. “I didn’t understand before, no matter what you said, or what happened with those creatures your mother was driving. I see her for what she is now. We’re better off in Sinta.”
“Of course we’re better off in Sinta. But I’m not giving up, and neither are you. That’s not you, Griffin. Mother is cruel, soulless, and horrifically violent. Now you’ve seen. Now you know. You just need time to adjust after your first physical encounter with her.”
