So much churns inside me that I can’t separate my thoughts from my emotions. I didn’t tell anyone about my Elpis discovery, not even Griffin. It just felt like too much pressure. The weight of the world. But it seems as though Kato figured it out all on his own, probably long before I did. And Flynn did, too, without putting it into so many words. And there’s no doubt in my mind that Griffin knows also, however he chooses to think of it. He’s known longer than any of us.
But Kato is terrifying me. He’s raising me too high. “What if I fail?”
Kato looks at me with such sincerity, such platonic affection, that my chest squeezes tight.
“You’ll still be my light in the dark, Cat. Even if you fail.”
I inhale sharply, fighting the tears that always seem so close to the surface lately. Answering him is impossible. If I do, emotion will overwhelm me.
Blinking rapidly, I look around. The courtyard is unusually quiet, despite our gathering here. Flynn stands near his horse, his auburn brows drawn low, trying without much success to keep his brooding gaze off of Jocasta. From the looks of it, Jocasta is glancing Flynn’s way just as often while still trying to pay attention to Griffin and Carver as well. Next to her, Kaia keeps looking at us, but I know it’s Kato she’s watching.
Having said her brief goodbyes, Ianthe is already at the gate. The guards have cleared a path for us, the crowd is waiting for our passage with bated breath, and Ianthe looks more than ready to leave the castle that’s been more or less her prison for the last several months. She’s riding Galen Tarva’s enormous black warhorse. He’s far too big for her—even bigger than Griffin’s Brown Horse—and bad-tempered and jumpy to boot, but Ianthe wouldn’t ride any other. If my terrible suspicion about Galen’s abuse is correct, she’s taking control of what’s between her legs. I fear it’s symbolic, whether she realizes it or not.
Bellanca mounts the roan, settling lightly and expertly into her saddle. She slaps at her sparking hair again, going cross-eyed when an ember pops and then sizzles toward her nose.
I smile, and it feels good. I haven’t smiled enough lately.
Bellanca fishes in her saddlebag and then jams a floppy hat onto her head, maybe to smother the fire. “Gods, are we going or what?”
Beside me, Kato chuckles as he nods toward Bellanca. “I like her.”
“I do, too.” I reach out and grab his wrist. “And thank you.”
His eyebrows rise in question. “For what?”
“For being the brother I never had.”
His face loses all trace of humor. We’re not related, neither by blood nor by marriage, but that doesn’t matter. My heart knows the truth.
Kato lifts his free hand and ruffles my hair. He pats my head, and I know what that means. It means he loves me, too.
CHAPTER 9
Homecoming is bittersweet and doesn’t last long. For a group of people who have never shown themselves to be cowardly in the least, we sure get out of Castle Sinta as fast as we can. Home somehow doesn’t feel like home anymore when Anatole’s leathery face is creased with loss and Nerissa’s eyes are red-rimmed from crying.
The fact that we came back without two of their daughters doesn’t help. Staying in Sinta any longer would be pointless anyway since they immediately begin to pack. Castle Tarva is about to get invaded—by parents—and we’re the escort back.
Egeria, who’s shortly going to find herself managing western Thalyria alone, holds herself together admirably, and my respect for her grows. She agrees with and adds to Griffin’s and my suggestions, our many detailed conversations together reinforcing how competent and practical they both are, especially my husband. Hearing him lay out plans for integrating Sinta and Tarva makes me realize I’m like a foundation and a roof, important at the beginning and at the end. Griffin is the house in between.
As we all gather in the courtyard and prepare to depart Castle Sinta on the first day I haven’t seen anyone crying—yet—I turn to Egeria and say, “I’m sorry we’re leaving you alone.”
She smiles like that’s one of the nicest things I’ve ever said to her. The terrible fact is, it might be.
“Sinta has been peaceful for months now,” she replies, seeming wholly confident. “The Ipotane will hopefully block any Fisan threat soon, and there’s still part of the army here.”
A small part. The rest is leaving with us, moving east to join the forces we’ve already begun amassing in Tarva. But it wasn’t her safety I was worried about.
“That’s not what I meant. I hope you won’t be too lonely.” She’s used to being surrounded by a large family. There’ll be no one left.
Her dove-gray eyes soften. “I’m not alone. Lenore is here.”
Lenore?I search my memory. “Jocasta’s maid?”
Egeria blushes and ducks her head. “NotjustJocasta’s maid.”
Oh. Oh!My eyes widen. Probably not Jocasta’s maid at all anymore. “That’s wonderful,” I say, almost voluntarily hugging her. The sudden impulse fades before I actually get my arms up, but Egeria takes matters into her own hands and gives me a hearty squeeze.
“Why are you so pale?” Nerissa asks me after Egeria lets me go. She moves closer and inspects my face like she’s already concocting a recipe for a vile-tasting medicinal soup that’ll not only cure my lack of color but probably put hair on my chest, too. “You have shadows under your eyes, and your lips are practically white. Are you sick? I have herbal tonics I could fetch before we leave.”
