“I don’t know how I got back to the castle. I think Thanos carried me. I stayed in bed for three days, physically recovering. Mother came to see me. She was excited that I was Beta at only fifteen, just like her at the time. She grinned, and I slapped her. You should’ve seen the look on her face.” I stare into the fire, remembering. “It was the only time I ever raised a hand against her, despite everything she’d put me through. Later that night, I snuck into the cellars, crawled into a pile of garbage, and got taken out with the rest of the trash.”
“Don’t call yourself trash,” Griffin says in a deceptively soft voice.
My eyes jerk to his. “I’ve killed two brothers and a sister. I’ve outdone them all.”
“You defended yourself, and you didnotkill your sister. You’re brave.” He squeezes my hand. “You’re good.”
I twist out of his grasp, feeling like an imposter. “I could have ended it all, and I didn’t.”
Griffin’s eyes search mine. “What do you mean?”
“I ran away, with no intention of ever going back. I came here, stripped naked, and dove into the lake. I swam straight out. I swam until my muscles cramped and I couldn’t feel myself anymore, until my heart didn’t know how to pump the frozen sludge in my veins, and I didn’t care if I lived or died.”
Something dangerous flashes across Griffin’s face.
“Poseidon’s Oracle grabbed me just when I started to sink. It had three long tentacles that kept me from drowning while it probed my mind and tasted me. I was frozen to my core, but I still felt every one of those icy suckers on my skin.” I shudder. “I thought it was going to eat me. I couldn’t wait for it to end.”
“I don’t believe that,” Griffin says. “You’re a survivor. That’s not you.”
“I was fifteen. I’d just lost Eleni. I hated myself. I was Beta Fisa, and I had grief and rage and a hole in my heart where my sister used to be.”
I can see Griffin struggling to understand my feelings, but wanting to give up isn’t something he truly comprehends. Conceptually—maybe. In practice—never.
“But the Oracle didn’t eat you,” he finally says. “It gave you a gift.”
My heart starts to pound. I’ve never said this out loud before. “It gave metwo.”
His eyes widen. The others murmur in astonishment. Even magic-deprived southerners know that’s unheard of.
“Turn invisible. Steal magic and heal.” That’s actually three, but the second two go hand in hand.
“What happened then?” Flynn asks.
I rub my forehead. “The next part is hazy. The Oracle brought me here. Well, there…” I point toward the shore. “I got these horrible shooting pains all over my body when I started to thaw out. Somehow, I was inside the hovel, covered in blankets in front of the fire. The Chaos Wizard was sitting in a rocking chair, staring at me. I didn’t know who or what he was at the time. I tried to talk to him, but all I got was that swirly, vacant look. You know the one.” I wave vaguely toward the wizard’s house.
“My clothes were there, so I got dressed and left. I turned invisible to test out my new magic, walked back to Fisa City, and snuck into the castle. I had questions that needed answers, and that meant going back. I found Thanos—who, oddly, didn’t seem worried about me at all—and asked him about the man in the hovel. He’s the one who told me about the wizard and how he channels the Gods. That explained a lot. The infinite gaze, and…other things.” I chew on my lower lip, anxiety twisting my stomach into a hard, painful knot. “But I didn’t only go back for Thanos.”
“Then why did you go back?” Griffin asks.
My expression must turn ugly. Itfeelsugly. “I was going to kill my mother. Maybe Otis, too.”
Griffin watches me. They all do. I can’t tell how they feel about that, or what they’re thinking.
“Why didn’t you?” Griffin finally asks.
“Because I’m a coward.”
“You are not a coward,” he growls softly. The others echo their agreement.
I can’t look at them and settle my gaze on the slowly dying fire instead. “I could have ended her reign of terror. Fisa needed one thing from Eleni, and if not from Eleni, then from me. End it. End her. There could have been peace, security, prosperity. I held it all in the palm of my hand, along with a dagger. I was invisible. I kept telling myself to just do it. Then I could move on to Otis. I could cut them both down without ever showing my face.”
“But you didn’t.” I know Griffin is looking at me. I don’t look back.
“Otis must have guessed I’d come for him. He locked himself behind so many wards I couldn’t get through. He probably stayed in his room for a year.” I snort, but it sounds hollow. “I wouldn’t know. I was long gone by then because I didn’t do any of it. I didnothing. I watched Mother for days. She was frantic when no one could find me. In her own warped way, shehurt. I’m not sure why she was so out of her mind, but do you know how that made me feel?”
Griffin seems to choose his words very carefully. “You were fifteen, confused and hurting. You can’t spend your life blaming yourself for a child’s decisions.”
“Fifteen is not a child!” My voice lashes out, slicing loudly through the night. “You know that as well as I do.” Especially in the south, most girls are considered women from their first cycle, ready for a home and family of their own. Just because Griffin is absurdly overprotective doesn’t change the rest of the world’s standards.
