That can’t be good.
I stick my hand out the small opening and pick it up. My stomach is roiling. After locking the door, I climb the stairs two at a time. I’ll need to sit down for this. My chest is heaving so I take another slow breath and open the envelope.
I unfold the white page with shaky hands and read the typed words:
My Firefly,
I’m really sorry if I scared you. I’m not a monster as you may think. Please don’t reject me as my dad did. I thought I saw a glimmer of hope in your beautiful eyes. You are exactly who I need—so compassionate to others. I didn’t want to trap you with the money deal we agreed upon, but you didn’t pay any attention to me when I came to your house to visit your mom.
Please don’t hate me for finding a way to make you mine.
I can offer you everything you need—money and a house—and all I ask in return is to accept me.
I’m cold-blooded, I have to admit, but you sparked a fire inside my body and soul.
When I saw you for the first time, I knew you were special—that you were the one. You know how I knew? My body reacted like never before. My mouth became dry and my body temperature rose while the blood pulsing through my veins burned in every single part of my body. All I wanted to do at that moment was to make you mine.
You still don’t see me, but I see you. I see the fireflies flying around you, never straying far from you, giving you that radiant glow that I so desperately want to be around.
Your friends and family underappreciate your magic, but I see you, Firefly, I see you. Please don’t run away and instead, light my way.
* * *
Ishudder, but the shaking doesn’t want to go away. He believes he has a soul. I believe he is soulless. Where’s the fine line between normal interest in a person who you’re falling for versus the creepy and abnormal attention, leading to stalking?
My heart shrinks in my chest thinking about Charlie’s unrequited love. Some of his words describe emotions I feel toward Victor. But the difference between an unhealthy and a healthy relationship is that the stalker is fixated on the person of interest, unable to see her flaws, romanticizing her, while true love is fixated on that person, loving herandher flaws.
Chapter Fifteen
Ihide Charlie’s letter under Alek’s mattress, and with that I hide my feelings of apprehension about his words. I don’t want to share this new revelation with Victor, so as not to provoke his temper.
That night I have another nightmare, no doubt triggered by my escalating anxiety. Victor tiptoes into my room as soon as he hears me panting. But this time, instead of sitting on my bed, he slides under the thin blanket and weaves his body into mine, making us one tangled mess of limbs. As soon as the thought of yelling at Victor to get out of my room appears in my mind, it is replaced by gratitude for giving me peace of mind. And my body accepts him, his warmth, his comfort. In the morning I wake up to an empty bed.
Over the next few days, Victor and I see each other mostly in the kitchen. He seems preoccupied and tired after practices. We don’t talk about what happened. I don’t know what to call us. We’re not girlfriend and boyfriend. And I don’t want to ask him, afraid to hear the answer.
Every day I keep checking my email, hoping I’ll get an interview for the job at the gym. Two days later, I yelp a loud “yes” as I read an email from the fitness director, Evan McDillan. At dinner I share my good news about an interview with Mr. McDillan the next day. Victor works out in the gym sometimes, so he volunteers to give me a ride there and back home. Alek presses his lips together, but eventually says he’s excited for me and it’ll be a great opportunity. Abi hugs me and wishes me good luck.
The next day Victor and I park in the enormous lot in front of the state-of-the-art recreation center. I’ve researched the names of coaches, what the facility offers, and the university teams. I want to show Mr. McDillan I’m interested in the job. He’s already invited me for an interview, I remind myself as I get out of the car, so he’s potentially interested in hiring me.
My heart is pounding with anxiety, but Victor’s words reappear in my mind. My fast heartbeat is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of getting stronger. I take a calming breath and suppress my instinct to turn back and go to bed.
“Hey, let’s go,” Victor says.
I blink. I’ve been standing next to his car staring at the building for… who knows how long. My instinct to flee is perfected and automatic, but I’m working on fighting it. I follow Victor through the front doors.
“Kick butt!” Victor winks as he walks inside toward a sign saying Men’s Locker Room.
I stay at the front desk and chat with the petite girl while waiting for the director to show up. Her name is Lily.
“I hope you get the job. Evan is increasing the work hours of the facility and we can’t do it all. We need you.” She puts together her delicate hands in front of her as if she’s praying and smiles sweetly.
“I hope so. It’ll be great to get to know you better. I’m new at Bastien and don’t know many people here.”
“You’ll love it.”
“How many people work at the front desk?”
“Four.”
