”Who watches her when you work or have stuff to do? All the stuff we bought for her birthday? Really, Juniper?”
“Nigga, be forreal. You only watch her when I’m doing things for the wedding. Any other time, she’s with my baby sitter that I pay with my own money. Those little gifts you got her, we can gladly give them back. Ryver hasn’t touched them little funky ass toys.” He had me fucked up if he thought the little stuff he did for Ryver amounted to him being a dad. Kojo wasn’t a bad guy, he was good with Ryver and she liked him, but it wasn’t in the fathering kind of way.
“Oh, wow. I guess Mom was right. It’s happening already.” He looked at me with disgust.
“And here you go with that ‘my mama said’ stuff. Nobody cares what that delusional ass lady thinks.”
“Don’t disrespect my mother’s name because she can smell your foolishness a mile away. She knew as soon as you got around that man you’d start acting different.” He snarled at me with his brows bunched together in furry.
“How am I acting different? ‘Cause I’m not just agreeing to the dumb shit coming outta your mouth? You’ve never wanted Ryver to have your last name until now. That’s weird as fuck.” Kojo had officially pissed me off. I don’t know who he thought I was, but this wasn’t that.
“We are about to be married in WEEKS, I’m sorry for caring about my future family.” He scowled at me, with his lips turned up.
“Speaking of that, we might have to move back our wedding date,” I sighed. I had been dreading telling Kojo this. With Faheem having to leave our first counseling session, it pushed us back a few weeks on signing the divorce papers. That was if Faheem was actually willing to sign the papers. We’d been pushing it close to the actual wedding date for them to be finalized.
“I’m not moving my wedding. I have too much shit riding on this fucking wedding to change the date. We can get themarriage license after if we have to. Who fucking cares about the minor details.”
“Are serious? See, you know what.” I stood up pushing my chair back, I needed to get the fuck away from Kojo before he pissed me all the way off. “I’m gonna go. You’re pissing me off, and I don’t have time for this.”
I could be at home chilling with Ryver instead of dealing with Kojo and this wedding bullshit. The more I thought, the less I understood why Kojo even wanted to marry me. We weren’t even in love with each other. Any time we spent around each other, we ended up arguing. Trying to use Kojo to get over Faheem seemed dumber the closer I came to being married. I really didn’t like Kojo that much. Outside of me needing a dick occasionally, he’d overstayed his welcome. That was partly my fault, I shouldn’t have forced myself to deal with him when I knew how I felt about him. I was starting to think I needed to take a break from Kojo and this wedding he was insistent on having.
“Where are you going, Juniper? Did you forget I drove us here?” Kojo threw his napkin down in his lap, giving me a look that said he was just as sick of me as I was of him.
”To hell if I don’t pray. Don’t call me, Kojo.” I gave him the middle finger and strutted out of this nasty ass restaurant with my head held high.
In my six-inch, peep toe black heels, I walked down the strip of downtown Beauville. I will say downtown was always lively. There was something going on at all times. I was debating about stopping in one of the bars because I needed a drink. Kojo had worked my nerves with his delusional ass. I could see it now, Faheem murdering Kojo and me for trying to keep him out of Ryver’s life. That was a game I wasn’t willing to gamble with. It was bad enough I kept getting cold feet when I tried to tell him about Ryver. I was truly scared about his reaction, not him beingmad at me. I was scared he was going to hate me. Seeing Faheem with his son, he was very hands on. Knowing he missed out on a lot of those moments with Ryver, he was going to be livid. As much shit as I talked about not caring about Faheem and getting over him I still loved him. I cared about what Faheem thought about me, if I knew he would just be mad I could deal with that. But the chance of him hating me forever scared me senseless.
I was coming to terms with the fact that I would probably love Faheem for the rest of my life. The connection we shared couldn’t be broken. I had to accept that I would always love him. I couldn’t even fully blame him for the hurt he caused me. At the end of the day he never lied to me about anything. I went in with wide eyes thinking I could handle the situation when that was far from the truth. Neither one of us expected to fall as hard as we did, and that was where the biggest problem was. Once we fell in love, we didn’t understand how to navigate the mess that we'd created. I had expectations that we never agreed on, and he felt his obligations outweighed our blossoming love. We both were at fault for the way we ended our situation. I regretted a lot of things, the biggest being not allowing Faheem to be a part of Ryver’s life. Although she was still really young, he’d missed out on a lot.
“Oh, shit,” I said as I collided with another person almost busting my ass, but the stranger caught me in his arms. My heart melted when I looked up to thank them, and I came face to face with Faheem’s handsome smirking face.
“A nigga still make you weak in the knees, I see.” I rolled my eyes playfully at him, as he helped me steady myself on my feet.
”Thanks for not letting me fall,” I shyly said, stepping back, giving us a little room.
“Never.” He smiled at me, slowly dragging his eyes down my body, taking me in from head to toe. ”You look good,”Faheem said, settling his eyes back on mine. I could smell the liquor on his breath.
“Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself,” I replied, returning his compliment.
Faheem had the ability to make jeans and a shirt look like high fashion. Wearing a black Gucci logo polo, fitted dark washed jeans, and black Jordy’s, he looked dope boy fresh with his big face watch and diamond hair with a diamond encrusted F pendant. I was shocked to see him in gold framed glasses, but they actually fit him.
“I like that nose ring too. Whoever got it for you got real good taste.” I snickered, seeing him wearing the small diamond in the shape of a J shaped nose ring I had gotten for him for his birthday all them years ago.
“Oh, yeah, my wife got it for me. I ain’t like it at first ‘cause I knew she was tryna be funny, but after she left a nigga, I wear it when I miss her. She had a nigga fucked up behind that shit too, but Iife goes on.”
“Mmm.” I pressed my lips, hiding the smile threatening to spread across my lips. Something about Faheem’s voice made my stomach do summersaults. “Sucks for you, huh?”
“Nah, not forreal. I plan on making shit right with my wife. I fucked up, but I’ma do everything in my power to show her how sorry I am,” Faheem said, biting his bottom lip. Sneakily, he snaked his arm around my waist.
“I’m not mad at you. I forgave you a long time ago.” I quickly cut my eyes to the ground, guilt was seeping in. I forgave him, but would he forgive me? “We are all human, we make mistakes, right?” I chuckled, trying to lighten the heaviness that had fallen around us.
“But do you still love me?” Faheem asked me with his black eyes staring at me intently. His eyes made my breath pause as I fought myself. I wanted to scream. Hell yes, I still loved him,but the fact of the matter was, I still hadn’t told him about Ryver. He wasn’t gonna be saying all this once he found out about her.
Closing my eyes, I sighed, holding in the tears threatening to fall. “Love isn’t always enough. Sometimes, you need more.” My voice came out shaky, so I steadied my breathing.
Being this close to Faheem brought out every emotion I was attempting to forget. He made me valuable, it was impossible to keep my emotions in check when he was around.
“Juni, I fucked up. I fumbled your heart. I hate myself for that, but I can’t let you go again. Even if you fight me, I’m not giving you up. I still love you.”
