“So, you’re not mad?” I ask.
“Oh, I’m mad. You got married without me there, and I’m an event planner. But at least it was to the woman you’re in love with and not some random person.”
“I haven’t seen you since Christmas. How did you know I was in love with Penny?”
She cackles into the phone. “Oh, Declan. You men are so stupid sometimes. The second you told me you didn’t want to play baby daddy to her kid and that you and Penny would never happen, you looked like you wanted to vomit. You juststared at her door, looking like your heart instantly broke at the idiotic words that left your mouth.”
Well, okay then.
“Was I really that transparent?”
“Declan. You orbit around Penny and Autumn like you would kill anyone who so much as tried to touch them. Your eyes track them with so much love it’s kind of disgusting. You were in so much denial on Christmas that I was about ready to hit you upside the head. But you needed to figure it out for yourself, and I’m just glad you came to your senses.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“Do you think I’m going to be a good dad?” I voice the thing that worries me the most. I might love Penny and Autumn, but I failed Kate. And it’s been lingering in the back of my head that I’m going to fail Autumn and any future kids I have.
“What are you talking about?” she asks, confusion lacing her tone.
“Come on, Kate. You can’t be that clueless.”
“Well, I am. Enlighten me.”
“I couldn’t keep you away from mom and dad. I couldn’t protect you from their fighting and the awful things they said and did to each other in front of us. And then I just left you to fend for yourself, while they went on not caring about you.”
“Is that why you never wanted kids?” she asks softly.
I nod my head. “Yeah. It is. I just didn’t want to end up being the kind of parent’s mom and dad were. I didn’t think I wanted to be responsible for a child and let them down like I did you.”
“I need you to hear me, Declan. I am the person I am today because of you. You made sure to protect me and love me when our parents didn’t. You weren’t just my brother; you were my hero. And yeah, you might have left when you were eighteen, but you called me every day. Every fucking day. I don’t blame you one bit for leaving. I would have done the same thing if I were in your position. And you’ll never be like mom or dad because if they taught us one thing, it’s how not to be.”
I swallow around the knot in my throat. I didn’t know she felt that way. I’ve always felt guilty that I couldn’t do more for Kate when we were kids. That I was failing her in inexplicable ways. I had to grow up without her for the first nine years of my life and lacked so much love and affection that I tried to shower her with it. I didn’t want her to ever feel like she wasn’t special. And her telling me that is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
“You know, dad asks about you every time I talk to him. I think he feels guilty for everything he and mom put us through. Mom was like a toxic vice whose presence brought everyone down, and the house felt so much lighter after she was gone. Dad was lighter, too. He was still a hard ass, but he actually paid attention to me after the divorce. I think herleaving was the best thing to ever happen to him, and I think part of the reason he gave me my dream job at my hotel of choice was his way of saying he was sorry.”
It’s no secret I haven’t spoken to my parents in years. The last time I talked to my mom was before the divorce, eight years ago. And the last time I talked to my dad was when he tried one last time to get me to work for the company. That was three years ago. My dad and I didn’t speak often over the years because there wasn’t a need to, especially when Kate went to college, but every conversation ended in a fight, and me telling him I was never going to work for the company. Art is my passion, and he could never find it in his heart to accept that or be proud of me. I stopped caring about his opinion the moment I moved out of the house, though, and I knew it pissed him off.
My dad once told me that I was born and bred to be the next CEO of the hotel chain. I respectfully played his games when I lived in his house, learning everything about the company, schmoozing with his elitist asshole friends, and playing the dutiful part of a rich man’s son. But I never wanted any of it. I wanted my art, and I wanted a family who loved me and my sister. I don’t think he ever really thought I would stay away for as long as I did, but I made my own money and earned every position I worked at just so I wouldn’t have to work for him.
I told Kate that I didn’t want to know anything about him or mom, once I left. All I cared about was Kate and making sure she knew I still loved her even though I left herwith our dumpster fire parents. I really had no idea that our father was a better man towards Kate after our mom left. I just assumed her taking a position with the company was his way of trapping her into a life that he wanted for her, not one that she wanted for herself. Although when I think about it, she never told me otherwise.
“I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but dad bought a few of your drawings.”
My eyes widen in shock. “Excuse me?” I’ve sold my art privately for years, doing commission pieces or drawing random things when inspiration strikes. It was part of the reason why I was able to afford the shop on my own. I saved every penny I could from my tattooing and drawings, and it paid off for me in the long run.
“I think it took him a while to realize that you were serious when you told him you didn’t want anything to do with the company. And when you turned thirty, I think he really realized he had no foot in the game after grandpa's inheritance came through.”
Yeah. That. I may have made my own money working my ass off, but when I turned thirty, my grandpa’s inheritance hit my bank account. I’ve never cared about money and never will. I’ve seen the way it can turn people greedy, thinking they can own you just because they throw around dollar signs. But this inheritance is an overwhelming amount of money. To say I’m rich is an understatement. And the only people who know about it are Kate and my dad.
At some point, I’m going to need to tell Penny. Money is a touchy subject for a lot of couples, and I don’t want any secrets between us.
“I think he respects that you stood your ground against him and made your own way. The drawings are all framed and hanging up in the living room. He brags to his friends about you.”
To say I’m shocked is an understatement. My dad has only ever told me that my art is a disappointment. Never once has he had a positive thing to say about it.
“So how did Briana and Alex take it when you told them you were married?” Kate asks, changing the subject.
I shake my head of the revelation and clear my throat. “Uh. No one else knows.”
