I pull out until I’m sitting just at her entrance and thrust back in. When I lean down to kiss her, she automatically opens her mouth for me. My hand moves from her neck down to her nipple, and I pinch the tight little bud. “Do you trust me?” I ask as I pull back just enough to gauge what she’s thinking.
“I’m not on birth control, Declan.”
I pump into her in a long, hard thrust and kiss her again. I let my tongue languidly taste her mouth and then pull back to say, “I know.”
I search her eyes and she looks scared.
Fuck. She looksscared.
She’s completely frozen, and I know I’ve pushed this too far.
I pull out of her completely and get off the bed. “Shit, Penny. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I run my hands through my hair and search for my clothes. It’s physically painful to put my rock-hard cock back inside my jeans, but I can’t stand the thought of hurting her any more than I just did and need to get dressed to put some distance between us.
She moves to sit on the edge of the bed and watches me with the most confused expression on her face. “Declan,” she says softly, “can you stop for a second?” I pause from slipping my boot on and look down at her. She’s biting the corner of her lip, and her eyes search mine. “I don’t understand what just happened…” she whispers. She looks so small and vulnerable right now.
To be honest, I don’t fully understand what just happened either. This isn’t her fault. It’s mine. If I thought she trusted me before, she sure as hell doesn’t now. And I can’t blame her. Using condoms was a hard limit for both of us, and I just went and broke that rule without a second thought.
I take a breath and kneel on the floor in front of her, laying my forehead down on her lap. “I fucked up. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
She runs her fingers through my hair. “If you knew I wasn’t on birth control, why would you do that?” she asks softly. “I don’t understand.”
I shake my head. “It won’t happen again. I promise.” I don’t directly answer her question because if I admit what I was thinking, she would freak the fuck out.
“Have you…” She pauses, and I look up at her. Her eyes don’t meet mine, and I tilt her chin so she’ll look at me.
“Have I what?”
She fiddles with her fingers before asking, “Have you been with anyone since we last had sex?” My eyes go wide, and she continues, “I just want to make sure we didn’t risk any ST–”
I grab her by the nape of her neck and bring her face only an inch from mine, searching her piercing blue eyes. “You think I’ve been fucking around on you? Tell me, Penny, when would I have had the time? The last time I had sex with someone else was months before you and I started talking on the dating app, and I had myself checked afterward. Plus, this is the first time in my life that I’ve ever gone without a condom. I’ve been exclusive to you, and only you, from the first moment we spoke.”
It’s her turn for her eyes to go wide. The promise I made to myself when I became an adult to never have kids hasnever once deterred me from suiting up every time I’ve been with a woman. It doesn’t matter if I’m on the verge of being black-out drunk because it’s like a compulsion for me. I’ve had women try to get me inside of them bare before, and I always leave them high and dry. It’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one. I probably should have gotten a vasectomy years ago, but it never felt quite right.
I didn’t think twice about that shit just now, though. I know Penny’s not on birth control. I know the risks of getting pregnant. I know all of that, and I still did it anyway. But I’m pretty sure she lost all her trust in me. If she ever lets me touch her again, it will be a goddamn miracle. This weekend was supposed to be fun, and now I’ve gone and possibly ruined it.
She’s still naked while I’m fully dressed, and I rub the top of her thighs before standing and hauling her up with me.
“Why don’t you get dressed and let’s go walk the strip and eat our sandwiches,” I tell her.
On cue, her stomach growls. While she freshens up in the bathroom, I sit on the edge of the bed and scrub a hand over my face.
I’ve put myself in a box that Penny never sees me coming out of, and that’s my own damn fault. I need to take this slow and feel her out. Because I know one thing for sure, Penny doesn’t see me as anything more than a fucktoy, and that needs to change.
Starting now.
Chapter 24
Penny
All I’ve been able to think about since I woke up this morning is how Declan fucked me bare and wasn’t going to stop. I’m walking through the booths at the trade show and have plans to meet with him in thirty minutes, but I’m still reeling from yesterday.
Declan doesn’t want kids. Declan doesn’t want to play daddy to anyone else’s kids. Declan said that he and I would never happen. Declan knew I wasn’t on birth control.
So, why the fuck did he dowhat he did?
I’ve had to push all my feelings aside for him because of these facts. It’s been hard, but I’ve done it.
What scares me is that I didn’t outright tell him to stop when he flipped me over and made me watch him enter me bare, and I’m not sure I was going to. It was totally reckless on my part. But whatever he saw on my face had him pulling away, and I can only tell myself it was for the best.
