I can’t stop thinking about Declan, and the questions keep piling up as the day goes on. He messaged me earlier today, but I didn’t message him back. And I’m not sure if I should. Should I tell him I know who he is? Or should I keep it a secret?
But my daughter's question has effectively short-circuited my brain for the time being.
This is the first time she’s asked me about her father, and to say I wasn’t prepared is an understatement.
“Um…what do you mean, baby girl?”
“The other kids have a daddy, and I don’t.”
Shit.
I’m not sure what to say, and like an asshole, I change the subject. “Do you want some ice cream when we get home?”
“Yes!” she shouts from her car seat in the back, and the breath I was holding leaves my mouth in an audible sigh.
Crisis averted… for now.
I knew this day would come, but I thought I would have more time. Autumn is going to be five soon, and the older she gets, the more curious she is. It never occurred to me that she would be interested in knowing about her dad at this age, but she’s always surprising me. This just isn’t the good kind of surprise.
I don’t want to lie to her, but I have to. Not even my parents know the circumstances involving Autumn's conception or who it was with, and it has to stay that way.
I’ll have to think of a story later, but I effectively dodged a bullet. Let’s just hope my story is believable when I do come up with something.
I pull into our parking space at the back of the building, and we round the front to head up the stairs to the apartment.
“Who’s here, mommy?” Autumn asks. Music can be heard throughout the entire staircase, and I’m wondering the same thing.
Since the shop next door got sold, I’ve been wondering if the person was going to move into the apartment above. And I think I have my answer. I just hope he, or she, knows that the walls are thin and it’s not going to fly if they play music this loud at night.
“I’m not sure. I think we have a new neighbor, though.”
We ascend the stairs, and Autumn asks, “Like Ms. Connelly?”
“Yeah, like Ms. Connelly. But it could be a man. Or a family.”
Ms. Connelly owned the shop downstairs before she decided to retire and move to Florida. She was our neighbor for three years, and it destroyed Autumn when she moved over the summer.
When we reach the landing, Autumn starts dancing. Blink-182 drifts through the door, and I have to laugh because her dance moves are all over the place.
“I like this song, mommy.”
“Me too,” I tell her as I unlock the door to our apartment.
A second later, the door to the mystery person’s apartment opens, and Autumn and I both turn at the sound.
My eyes lock with the last person I expected to see.
“Dec…lan,” I say like an idiot. I know shock is written all over my face, but there’s no world in which I could hide it, even if I tried.
“You,” he says back and stares at me.
I think time stops, and I can’t seem to get my mouth to work. Is this some kind of joke the universe is playing? How is he living across from me?
And then it dawns on me. He bought the shop downstairs. He told me over text he was in the middle of a move, and now it’s all starting to make sense.
“Who is that, mommy?” Autumn asks, interrupting my thoughts.
I look down at my daughter in a daze. “Um…”
