He backs me against his apartment door and cages me between his arms. “You’re right. This can’t work between us,” he says, and for some reason, my heart drops. I don’t want to look too hard at why, but I’m momentarily disappointed untilhe continues, “But, what if… what if we had a friends-with-benefits type of situation?”
My brain short-circuits, and I blink at him. “Friends with benefits?”
“Yes.”
I search his eyes. He’s serious. My heart starts racing as I think about his proposal. This is crazy. Even crazier is that I’m contemplating it. I just have one issue: sex always comes with complications. Take Autumn, for instance. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter with my whole being, but she was a curveball I didn’t see coming. Plus, I’m not sure if I can do casual sex without falling for the person. I’ve never tried.
“I don’t know…” I say honestly.
“Talk to me, Penny.
When did he get so vocal? This guy couldn’t stream two words together around me until just this past week, and now I’m the one at a loss for words.
“If we do this, there have to be rules. Rules we can’t break. Otherwise, I’m not sure this will work between us.”
He nods his head. “Okay, I’ll bite. What kind of rules?”
“Like… no kissing,” I tell him because kissing is intimate, and based on Sunday’s escapades, his mouth would be my downfall.
“No. I won’t accept that.” He shakes his head and wraps a hand around my jaw. His thumb lightly grazes my lipstick-stained mouth as he stares into my eyes. “I need to kiss you,” he says softly.
And that is why I won’t allow it.
“No. Kissing is too intimate, and we can’t afford intimacy.”
He growls and places his hand around my throat. “You aren’t Vivian Ward, Penny. Kissing won’t cause you to fall in love with me.”
I divert my eyes and blow out a breath.
Here goes nothing.
I bring my gaze back to his and tell him, “Declan. I’m practically a virgin. I may as well be a born-again virgin because the first and last time I had sex was when I got pregnant with Autumn.” His eyes go wide, but I continue. “I don’t know how to do this. I thought I loved my high school boyfriend, but when I wouldn’t give up my virginity, he bailed on me. My heart was broken at the time, and all we did was kiss. So, I don’t want to go down that road again. I associate kissing with feelings. I just… don’t think we should kiss, okay?”
It also doesn’t help that the one kiss we did share made me feel things I shouldn’t even be entertaining. It was pure bliss, and I don’t want to get used to it. I don’t want to crave it like I already do. That’s why I have to make it a rule.
He runs his tongue over his teeth and sighs. “That’s a lot of information to unpack, but I’ll respect the no-kissing rule.”
I let out a relieved breath. “And condoms. We have to use condoms because I’m not on birth control.”
“That’s a non-negotiable for me, too. I am clean, though. I got checked after the last person I was with, and I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”
I breathe a sigh of relief as my heart simultaneously skips. I won’t look too hard at the fact that I like that he hasn’t had sex in a while. “Okay. Good. One other thing… I think we should put a time limit on this. Like four months tops.”
His eyes narrow slightly, and I can’t tell if he’s angry about that rule or not. “Six months,” he says. “I want you for six months. And we’re exclusive to each other. No going on any other dates, and no fucking some random person you meet at the bar. Just you and me.”
I narrow my eyes back. “Five months and you have a deal.”
“Fine,” he grunts out.
“Also, no one knows. We keep this a secret. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about us. Especially Autumn. Everyone needs to keep thinking we’re friends from start to finish. And things can’t be weird afterward either. You need to remember, you’re just a stepping stone for me to use on my way to finding Mr. Forever. This ends with us remaining friends.”
The tick in his jaw has me questioning if I said something wrong. But those are the rules to keep my heart safe. Otherwise, I don’t think this will work. Declan is more than gorgeous, and just looking at him gives me feelings I shouldn’thave, let alone how thoughtful he’s been when he doesn’t open his mouth and ruin things.
I meant what I said. He’s my stepping stone. And since I had two dates go bust, maybe this is the perfect opportunity to get dicked down and have some fun with someone I know.
Sow my wild oats, so to speak.
And after, I can look for Mr. Right.
