Me: Your daughter came over here, knocking on my door.
I continue to work while I wait for a response. I’m not trying to get Autumn in trouble, but I’m hoping that maybe I’ll get a face-to-face with Penny. Plus, she does need to know her mini-me is leaving the apartment unsupervised.
Twenty minutes pass before I get a message back, and I smile when I hear my text tone for Penny go off.
Penny: Landing. Now.
I make my way out the door and Penny is pacing. She’s wearing an oversized T-shirt and worn-out gray sweats that look a few sizes too big. They look like men’s sweats, and I can’t help but wonder if they’re an old boyfriend's, or even Autumn’s dad’s sweats.
Why does that make me feel ragey?
“What did you say to my kid?” she asks, shooting daggers in my direction.
I hold my hands up in surrender. “She just wanted to give me something, and then I sent her back into the apartment.”
Her eyes narrow. “What did she give you?”
I shouldn’t lie but I do. “A drawing.”
“A drawing? Why don’t I believe you?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Because you don’t like me anymore.”
She looks me up and down and scoffs. “Ain’t that the truth?”
“I just thought I should let you know that she left the apartment unsupervised.”
“Oh, so now you’re worried about my daughter? That’s rich coming from you.”
“Stop being a brat, Pen. I would never hurt your daughter or let her get hurt, for that matter.”
Her nostrils flare, and she steps into my space so we’re chest to chest. “Stop calling me a brat,” she grits out.
“Are you on your period?”
Her eyes widen, and I get a thrill from the look. It’s a stupid question to ask any woman, but fuck, she’s totally being a brat, and she’s never been like this before. It makes me want to wrap my hand around her throat and use her mouth for something more productive.
“The fuck did you just say?”
I take two steps forward and crowd her next to her door. One of my hands lands next to her face while the other finds her hip, anchoring her to the wall. She feels so small in my hand, and I involuntarily squeeze her side, loving the way she feels underneath me. “I know I said some shit that I wish Icould take back. I’m an asshole and can admit it. But I’ve apologized. You just have to accept my apology now.”
Her chest heaves, and she runs her tongue over her teeth. “You hurt me, Declan. I don’t think you understand, but Autumn isn’t just a part of me… she’s my whole world. I would die for her just to make sure she doesn’t feel pain. And it’s my job as her parent to protect her from people who don’t value her. So, forgive me if I’m having a hard time accepting your apology.”
“You’re right,” I swallow hard, keeping my eyes on her. “I would take back what I said in an instant if I could. But I can’t. All I can do is say I’m sorry and try to make it up to you… please,” I beg.
She looks away for a beat and then back up at me. I have to bite back a groan and stop myself from rubbing up against her because she smells like warm coconut and coffee. I have half a brain to lean in and put my nose right up to her neck to get a bigger hit, but luckily, the other half of my brain tells me that’s not an appropriate thing to do, so I stay where I’m at.
“I’m just going to keep apologizing until you give in,” I tell her seriously, because I’m not giving up. If I had known immediately what I did wrong, I would have been trying to work things out weeks ago.
She purses her lips and crosses her arms. “I don’t think I can forget what you said. I never expected you to play daddy to Autumn. I never gave you that impression, so why did thosewords come out of your mouth?” She looks hurt and rightfully so.
I decide now is the time to drop my guard and tell her a little bit about why I’m not a kid person. I’m still caging her against the wall, and I squeeze her hip one last time before backing up. I grab her hand, and she flinches, but surprisingly, she lets me pull her to the first step on the landing so we can sit.
I let go of her hand and rest my forearms on my thighs. “My parents are the most self-centered people on the planet. So much so that I don’t even know why they had kids. My mom would cheat on my dad all the time because he was always at work, and when he would come home, all they would do was yell at each other. I was virtually invisible to them as a child, and if it weren’t for the revolving nannies, I don’t think they would have remembered I even existed. And then Kate came along. I tried to protect her from it all as much as I could, but I failed. She would sneak off during one of their fights and watch them, and I would find her curled up in a ball, crying because of how bad it was. All she wanted was the love of a mother and father, and they never gave her that. It wasn’t enough for me to try and fill that void; she needed more than I could give her. It got to the point that when I turned eighteen, I was determined to leave and never come back, and unfortunately, that meant leaving Kate too.
I promised myself then and there that I was never going to be responsible for another human being because if I couldn’t protect my own kid sister and give her enough love, then howwas I supposed to do that for any other child?” I let out a breath before I continue. “I shouldn’t have said what I said. I know you never expected me to act like a father figure to Autumn. And it’s not that I don’t necessarily like kids, but I stay away from them at all costs because I’m not equipped to emotionally take care of one.”
I leave out the part of the story where, once I turned fourteen, my father tried to groom me to take over his business, leaving little time for me to take care of Kate the way she deserved to be taken care of. I spent my days at school and my afternoons and nights with tutors. My father was more worried about making sure the heir to his empire was educated than showing his kids affection. And I swear it was always worse when my mother was around. He was always so cold when she would come home, not that I can blame him entirely because she cheated on him at least half a dozen times that I know of, but he could have at least shown Kate and me that he cared about us. As much of a hardass as he was, he was a far better parent than my mother, not that that’s saying much, but still.
