He grimaces. “I…don’t know if they will forgive me. I haven’t tried talking to them yet. I guess I’m afraid.”
I stand abruptly, not taking the card he’s slid across the table. “Well, they went through hell, not knowing what happened to you. They gave up looking a few years ago. And your father died not knowing if you were dead or alive.”
This time, his eyes do glaze over with guilt, and something about that is deeply satisfying to me.
“I’m going to go,” I say as I walk toward his door.
“Jocelyn,” he says, and I hear the scrape of his chair as he stands. I put my hand on the doorknob, but I pause before I open it.
“I’m not expecting you to ever forgive me. I certainly won’t ever forgive myself. But I do hope you’ll at least give me a chance to be in your life, however you want me to be,” he adds.
I don’t speak as I open the door and leave. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this. Maybe I’m not ready for any more people in my life until I figure out how I feel about my father and my childhood. Shit. Here I was worried about Hutch being messed up from his accident, but I may be more screwed up than he’ll ever be.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Hutch
There’s a knock at my door. “Coming,” I call out as I walk over and open it, expecting it to be one of the guys. We had discussed bumping up our book club meeting to tonight. I told them I was on the fence because I wasn’t sure if Jocelyn was coming over, and I didn’t know when I’d get home from my meeting. However, when I pull the door open, I find Jocelyn, a very upset Jocelyn.
She opens her mouth to speak, but instead a sob comes out, and she flings herself into my outstretched arms. I pull her to me and close the door. I have no idea what’s wrong, but whatever it is, it’s bad.
I run my hand up and down her spine while cupping the back of her head against me. “Shhhh,” I coo as I try to comfort her. “It’s alright. Whatever is wrong, we’ll figure it out.” I kiss the top of her head.
I manage to lift her into my arms and carry her to the sofa, where I carefully sit us down. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I find myself rocking her slightly, back and forth.
We don’t speak. I just hold her. Eventually, her sobs turn to sniffles.
I kiss her forehead and reach for a tissue, handing it to her. “You want to talk about it?” I say softly as I rub my thumb over her hip.
“I talked to him,” she admits as she blows her nose into the tissue.
“Your dad?” I ask, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from her.
She nods.
“What’d he say?” I ask, the words coming out as less of a question and more of a protective growl. She leans her head back to look up at me as she tells me everything he said.
I listen and don’t speak, letting her tell me what she wants to share. When she finishes, I contemplate my words carefully, not wanting to upset her more.
“So, what are you going to do?” I ask.
She shrugs and sniffles again. “I don’t know. Part of me never wants to talk to him again, and another part of me desperately wants to try to salvage some type of relationship with him. I don’t have another father.”
Her words cut deep as I realize I, too, have been thinking about my relationship with my parents and siblings recently. It’s not like they ghosted me, like her father did to her, but they definitely pulled away emotionally. I can’t imagine the impact this has had on her and her sister.
“Did you talk to your mom or Val?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “No. I came straight here,” she admits. I tighten my hold on her. I can’t believe she chose me as the person she wanted to comfort her.
“What do you need, Jocelyn? Tell me,” I state as I look down at her. I want to take all her pain away. I hate seeing her upset.
“I…I don’t know,” she admits. “I don’t know how to feel or what I feel. It’s like I’m numb and feeling everything at the same time.”
“You want to go to the gym, and I could work you out until you pass out from exhaustion?” I ask because for me, the gym has been my therapy. I did have therapy for a bit after my accident, but I haven’t gone in for a few years.
She suddenly turns and straddles my lap, keeping her arms tightly wrapped around my neck. “How about you work me out in another way?” she asks as she leans in and kisses me.
My hands grip her hips, pushing her down against me. “I think Njal and I would like that,” I tease, pleased when she giggles.
