I moved away, groping for a bench. Val, sensing my distress, came closer, but I waved him back angrily. Victoria sat next to me. She did not ask my leave, but I did not care.
“The pox. Edward had syphilis?”
“Why, I thought you knew, my lady. The way he talked and all, he said that you couldn’t have children because of his syphilis. I thought he meant he gave it to you.”
I shook my head. “No. He must have meant that he could not—”
I could not bear to say the words.
“Ah, you mean, he couldn’t go with you, because he was afraid of giving it to you when you’d not had it?” she finished for me.
I nodded.
“Well, that does make sense. He was always so cruel about himself, saying such terrible things. Called himself a ruination, and a devil. I used to feel sorry for him, with his pretty manners and nice clothes. He had such a nice way of speaking and all. Hard to credit he’d feel so low about himself.”
I nodded again. My hands were shaking, so I clasped them firmly together, the glove leather creaking a little.
“Did he say when, how he contracted the syphilis?”
She tipped her head, thinking. “Before he married, I know that much. He said he hadn’t realized he had already got it when he married, but the doctor told him he would not have been contagious right then. He explained it once, but it was confusing. I think he said there was a first bit of it, when he was ill, but didn’t know what with. Then he felt better and married your ladyship and everything was all right. Then he got sick again and the doctor told him what he had and to stop laying with his lady, lest you get it as well.”
“Christmas,” I said softly. “That would be when he moved into his own bedchamber.”
“That’s right, he said that. He said he just couldn’t tell you. He thought you’d be so disappointed about the kiddies and all.”
How perfectly sweet, I thought bitterly. Edward had not bothered to tell me about this vile disease, leaving me to wonder all these years at our barrenness, blaming myself. And all the while…
I looked over at the girl and smiled weakly. “It must have shocked you to hear such things. It shocks me now.”
She returned the smile and reached out, to my astonishment, patting my hand. “Not much shocks me, my lady. I’ve seen a hundred men or more with their trousers off.”
I nodded and looked away. She had given me much to think of. I did not know if any of it was connected to Edward’s death, but I was glad to know it just the same.
I squared my shoulders. “Thank you for your frankness. I hope that you will not suffer for it at the hands of Miss Simms.”
“Oh, no. She warned me off talking about him, but she doesn’t really think I’d spill. She knows he hadn’t been to see me for nearly two years before he died. He had taken to going upstairs, to the attic, for his entertainments.”
I smiled at her. The notion of Edward seeking his pleasures in a dusty lumber room amused me for some reason. “The attic? Whatever for?”
“Why, yes, my lady. That’s where they keep the boys.”
THE THIRTY-SEVENTH CHAPTER
If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.
—William Shakespeare
Julius Caesar
Edward went with boys?” To my ears, my voice sounded normal enough, casual, as though I were inquiring about the health of a mutual friend. But my thoughts…even now, I cannot quite describe the chill, the numbness. How could I not have known?
She was nodding. “He did. Said he’d always liked them better. But he quite loved you, my lady,” she said hastily. I think she meant it kindly.
“Was there a particular boy?”
“No, my lady. He did not use them very often, you see. But Miss Simms was always glad to see him. Some gentlemen like a bit of the rough, but not Sir Edward. He always treated us kindly. Simms likes that—it doesn’t do to damage the merchandise, she always says. She gives all the regular gentlemen boxes, pretty porcelain things, for keeping sheaths in.” She threw a doubtful look at Val. “Mr. March does say that it keeps infection down, of the pox and other things. Some of the gentlemen complain, or just won’t wear them at all. Not Sir Edward. He were always most particular about wearing them. And Simms thanked him for that. Fastest way to drive off business, she says, is with pocky whores.”
I was only half listening now. Brisbane had been correct about the box and its purpose. But even he had not guessed the awful reason behind it.
