Tears filled her beautiful eyes, and Darren hated that he couldn’t soothe her. In a flash—a quick moment of thought—he wondered if she was simply too broken for a relationship. He couldn’t believe he’d fallen in love with her all over again.
“Darren, I—” She threw her hands up. “It’s not your turn.”
His chest caved in on itself, and he felt like someone had dumped red ants in his boots. He needed to leave. Now.
“All right.” He reached for the doorknob.
Farrah leapt in front of him and peered up at him with a tear-stained face. “All right?”
“What do you want from me, Farrah?” His fingers curled into fists. “I told you I love you. I told you we could unpack your baggage one item at a time. I—I—don’t know what else you wantfrom me.” His voice cracked, and he drew in a breath that didn’t calm him in the slightest.
“I don’t know either.”
He nodded and couldn’t stop. “All right then. You call me when you know.” This time, when he made to step past her, she let him go. Every step away from her felt like a knife in the heart.
“Darren,” she called after him. “Don’t go.”
He turned back, apparently enjoying the extreme torture of getting his heart ripped out. She ran down the front steps and he swept her into his arms. She cried against his chest, and he held her right there on the sidewalk while she did.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m a huge mess, and it’s just not fair to you when I just can’t—I can’t—I don’t want to hurt you.” She pulled back. “That makes sense, doesn’t it?”
Unable to speak, he shook his head. It made no sense. Breaking up with her hurt. Holding her when she wasn’t his hurt. Not being able to discuss a possible purchase of the Bybee’s farm hurt.
“I have to go,” he said.
“You had something to tell me.”
“I—” He released her and stepped back, his heart absolutely fissuring, a bunch of tiny little cracks spreading out and up and down, the way ice did just before it broke completely. “I can’t.”
He turned and practically ran to his truck, getting out of her driveway as quickly as possible. He just drove, trying to figure out what to do, where to go, how to be, without Farrah in his life.
She’d broken up with him before, but for some reason, he hadn’t truly believed he’d never get her back. Now, though…. He really did wonder if she was even capable of being in a relationship like the one he wanted.
He drove through the dark streets, the shapes of old buildings, and mature trees, and the beautiful countrysideslipping by without his full attention. Turn after turn, and Darren still couldn’t sort out his thoughts.
His truck seemed to take him to Ben’s house, where a light shone in the front window. Darren got out and walked slowly toward the steps. He sat on the concrete and looked up at the stars.
“Will I get her back?” he whispered to the cosmos, hoping God was there and would answer him. His brothers seemed to have found their happily-ever-afters without half this much pain. Of course, Darren didn’t really know what Sam had gone through when he’d left Vermont—and the woman he’d loved—behind.
Nor did he know what it took to travel all the way across the country to California when your girlfriend had decided to stay here and keep her clinic.
And he had no idea how Ben had managed to slither in between Rae and her job.
So maybe his brothers hadn’t had a yellow brick road to romance. Darren still felt like his journey was taking twice as long and the terrain was twice as rough.
That’s because it’s worth it, he thought. He wasn’t sure if it was his own mind or a thought from a higher power, but it existed. He also wasn’t sure if such a thing was really true. Farrah may never be ready to be with him, share her life with him, start a family with him.
“What are you doin’ on my steps?” Ben nudged Darren with his boot and sat down beside him. “Rough night out at the Bybee’s?”
“No.” Darren shook his head. “Great night out there. Got all the wood in for the winter, and Jim practically offered me their farm.”
Ben whistled through his teeth and let a few seconds pass in silence. “Wow. Like, they want you to buy it?”
“Yep.”
“So…are you gonna buy it?”
“Yep.” The word sprang from Darren’s mouth without him having to overanalyze it. “I love that farm, and if I can have it….” A wave of gratitude overcame him. He couldn’t actually believe he could have what the Bybee’s did. But he wanted it. Wanted it real bad.
