She printed the last one, liking how his name looked on her paper of very important questions. Cocking her head, she admired the letters for an extra moment before turning her attention back to Dr. Kenna.
“What will you lose if you don’t get what you want?”
Another hard question, with more than one answer.
“The first thing you think of,” Dr. Kenna said.
Farrah wrote.
“All right. Let’s see what you’ve got.” She reached for the notebook and took it from Farrah, who was still unsure if she’d written the right answer on the last question.
“Good,” the doctor murmured. “It will take work and time to get the clarity you’re looking for Farrah.” She glanced up and met Farrah’s eye. “But this is what worries me. This right here.” She turned the notebook and showed Farrah what she’d already seen.
Darren’s name twice.
“How can he help you if you’re scared to lose him?”
“I’m not scared?—”
“You haven’t even told me anything about you today. It was all about him.”
She blinked and shook her head. “I mentioned the bunko. I’m making new friends in town.”
Dr. Kenna put the notebook on the table beside her. “And you should. And I’m not saying Darren’s bad for you. I’m saying thatit’s really hard to be what someone else wants you to be, when you don’t know who you are yet.”
Farrah wasn’t exactly sure she understood what Dr. Kenna was saying, but she nodded like she did. “So I should…?”
“I can’t tell you what you should do.” She leaned back and crossed her legs, those eyes ever watchful. “But I know you’ve made great progress by focusing onyoufor the past several weeks. I’d hate to see that lost because you’re focused on…something else, be that making friends or horseback riding with Darren.”
Farrah felt like she’d been doused with a bucketful of ice water. Her mouth worked, but no sound came out.
“Think about what I said,” Dr. Kenna said. “I could be wrong. Maybe you’re doing just great, and all these big decisions you’ve made are fine.” She smiled, a happy gesture that usually calmed Farrah’s racing heart. Today though, it only added fuel to the firestorm inside her chest. “And we’ll meet again next week.”
Next week.
Farrah stood and shook the other woman’s hand. She made it downstairs to her car. She drove home. Bolt greeted her inside with purrs and a rub along her calves. She normally bent down and stroked him, got his food and water bowls refreshed, and figured out what to eat for dinner.
Tonight, she made it to the couch and collapsed. The tabby leapt up beside her and curled into her lap. Farrah absently stroked his fur, wondering why writing Darren’s name down twice was bad.
Hecouldhelp her.
Shewasafraid of losing him.
Closing her eyes, she leaned her face toward the ceiling. She had never needed more clarity than she did right now, not even when she’d discovered she was pregnant with someone’s baby she wasn’t married to.
She’d come back from that.
She could figure this out too.
Dear Lord….
chapter
seventeen
Darren lovedthe cooler weather of autumn. It was his favorite time of year, no matter where he and his brothers had worked. Reno didn’t really have a fall season, and he’d missed it while there.
But Vermont did, and he loved the crisp morning air, the chill in the blue sky as the sun rose toward its pinnacle. The scent of leaves and dirt and pumpkin-flavored things. He enjoyed working outside when the weather was cooler, and he’d spent the last several evenings at the Bybee’s, helping them chop wood for their boutique.
