“But you told people you were.”
“Yes.”
“And you changed your name.”
“Yes.”
“And you had a baby.”
She shook her head, her bottom lip trembling along with the motion. “No.”
He slid two fingers under her chin and lifted her face so she’d look at him. “No?”
“I was pregnant for eighty-nine days. I lost the baby.”
He wrapped his arms around her without another word, and she let him comfort her for something that had happened four years ago. How the pain was still there seemed ridiculous, especially because she had never felt so lost, so isolated, so utterly forgotten by God, than she had in that period of her life.
“After that,” she whispered into his shirt. “I started coming back to church. I met a pastor in Los Angeles that helped me for two solid years to rebuild my faith and find my way through the repentance process.”
Darren said nothing. Most of the time she didn’t need him to. Now, though, she wanted to hear him whisper that everything was okay, that she was fine, that he still loved her.
The moment lengthened, and all of Farrah’s memories streamed through her mind. She’d kept them boxed up, vowingnever to let them out. But she hadn’t anticipated meeting someone as wonderful as Darren. Honestly, she hadn’t planned on dating anyone ever again.
And maybe that’s why you broke up with him over a parade.The thought sprang into her mind, unbidden but there nonetheless. Maybe it was. Everything about Darren scared her, and though she liked being with him, she wasn’t sure she could ever be comfortable with him.
Now that she’d confessed a few of her secrets to him, it was easier to be with him. She just couldn’t believe he stillwantedto be with her.
He cleared his throat. “I really do have to go.”
She stepped back and nodded, a tear threatening to escape. She wasn’t even sure why. He hadn’t broken up with her. He hadn’t condemned her. But he was walking away from her, and he didn’t look back.
She almost called after him to come to her place for dinner, but if she’d been told that the man she loved had almost had a child with someone he wasn’t married to, she’d need some time to process. And while Darren hadn’t usually needed much time to know what he wanted, she suspected that this time he would.
By the weekend,Farrah had spoken on the phone with Darren a couple of times, but he wasn’t a great conversationalist, so she’d resorted back to texting. He seemed to do that just fine, mostly because he rarely responded immediately. He was overthinking things, and she suspected that he was typing and re-typing his responses before sending them.
Friday night—date night—came, and Farrah did not have a date. “What are you doing tonight?” she asked Meagan, more to make conversation than anything else.
“Bunko night,” she said, glancing up from the raft where she worked. She did a double-take before straightening. She scanned Farrah from head to toe. “Do you play? Because Hannah texted about an hour ago and said she’s sick and can’t come. We need another player.”
“I’ve never played bunko.”
“It’s my month to host, so it’s at my place.” Meagan rushed toward her. “It’s so easy, and there’s dinner provided, and I’ll even pay your five dollars for the prize pot.” Her eyes lit up, and Farrah couldn’t help laughing.
“I don’t have any plans,” she said, and Meagan engulfed her in a hug, her tiny baby bump solid against Farrah’s stomach. She sobered quickly then and stepped back. “So what time?”
“Six. Don’t eat before. There’s tons of food and Rae brings her mother’s secret recipe almond punch every month. This month’s theme is the fall harvest, and I’ve been baking with pumpkin and apples and maple syrup all week.”
Farrah was sure she’d just gotten in way over her head, but she thought anything was better than sitting home alone on a Friday night. “Is there usually a monthly theme?”
“Oh, yeah,” Meagan said. “Hannah did a whole maple syrup shindig in April, and before Layla moved—wow. She’d plan her month perfectly, and it was the best party of the year.” She sighed wistfully. “Rae always has good food, because she caters from La Ferrovia.” Meagan grinned. “I’m so glad you’re joining us. You’ll love it.”
Farrah wasn’t so sure of that. She’d avoided spending time with the women in LA, because no one could be trusted. Everyone was out for themselves.
You’re not in LA anymore, she told herself as she went back to planting cilantro seeds.And maybe it’s time you started making more friends in Island Park.She’d probably know every woman there, especially if they were Meagan’s friends. As they finished work, and Farrah headed home, she decided that having some friends in town wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
She spent an hour in her yard in the cooling fall temperatures, watching the clock on her phone tick closer and closer to six. She wasn’t sure if bunko was the type of party one could show up fashionably late for, so she fed Bolt, showered quickly, and tied her damp hair into a knot on the top of her head before slipping into a casual pair of khaki capris and a blouse the color of watermelon rinds.
When she arrived at Meagan’s, it was clear she should’ve come earlier. The door opened to a wall of sound, from music, to chatter, to laughter, to a dog barking somewhere beyond the party. It seemed like fifty women had packed themselves inside her living room and kitchen, but upon further inspection, Farrah counted eleven others besides herself.
