After the call ended, I sat in my London flat staring at the blank screen, processing the conversation. Jonathan seemed better, more grounded, less consumed by doubt. But the question from Spa still hung between us, unresolved.
Did I think he was championship material?
And more importantly: could our relationship survive if the answer was no?
33
INTIMATE DISTANCE
When I got backto my rented flat after work on a weekday in the middle of August, there was a package waiting. I didn’t recognize the company, and I hadn’t ordered anything.
I carried it upstairs, opened it carefully, and found myself staring at a very realistic dildo and a phone stand.
My phone buzzed immediately.
JONATHAN:Package arrive?
WALDO:Is this what I think it is?
JONATHAN:Depends. Are you thinking “incredibly thoughtful gift from boyfriend who misses you”?
WALDO:I was thinking “evidence I’ll have to disclose to Thea.”
JONATHAN:You’re not seriously going to tell your editor about your sex toys.
WALDO:The guardrails say I disclose personal contact. I’m pretty sure this counts.
JONATHAN:Then lie and say it’s a coffee grinder. FaceTime later?
I screenshot the exchange and stared at it for a long moment before forwarding it to Thea:Disclosure - August 15. J. Hirsch sent personal gift. No professional boundary issues.
Her response:I don’t need details. Carry on.
That evening, when Jonathan’s FaceTime request came through, I answered with the phone propped on the stand.
“Hey,” I said.
“One minute,” he said, and I watched him position his phone similarly.
What followed was an hour of reconnection that felt both intensely intimate and oddly disconnected. I felt my pulse in my throat, and I was aware of my own body in a way that made the space between us impossible to ignore.
It wasn’t the same as being together, but it was something. A reminder that what we had was worth the separation, worth the complications.
Afterward, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling simultaneously closer to him and more aware of the distance.
JONATHAN:That was wild.
WALDO:Think how much better it will be in person.
JONATHAN:I love you, Waldo.
WALDO:I love you too.
The words hung in the dark after the call ended. We’d circled them before, joked around them, but hearing them said so plainly felt like stepping onto solid ground I hadn’t known I was missing. For a moment I let myself stay there, suspended between the warmth of it and the knowledge of what came next.
Screenshot. Forward.Disclosure - August 15 evening. Extended video call with J. Hirsch. Personal/intimate nature.
Received.
