My heart pounds hard enough that I feel it in my throat. Every instinct screams at me to undo the retreat, to grab him, to take what he was offering.
My training screams louder.
If I kiss him now, everything shifts. The structure changes, the roles flip, and the rules that keep Ivan alive morph into something I can't grasp. I know how to protect, obey, and be useful.
But I don't know how to be anything else.
The fear that rises isn't about what I want; it's about failing him.
"Maksim," Ivan says.
"I can't." The words scrape out of my throat. "Not like this."
I try to say more, but it tangles in my mouth—too much blood, too much shock, too much power wrapped around the fact that he can order my entire life into place with a single sentence.
Ivan's gaze remains fixed on me.
"Not like this," he repeats. "Not when I'm what?"
I shake my head as water runs down my face.
"You should get dry," I say instead. "Your clothes are ruined."
Ivan watches me for a long moment.
Then control returns to him, sliding back into place. His face smooths, his eyes cool. The crack seals over.
"Finish cleaning up," he says, his voice even again. "There are clothes in the closet for you." A pause. "I expect you in the bedroom soon."
He steps out of the shower.
The door closes behind him.
The only sound left is the water beating down on my shoulders and my own breathing, too rough for my liking.
I press my forehead against the cool tile.
The blood is gone. The water runs clear.
That doesn't matter.
I can still feel his hand on my jaw. I can still remember how close we were. I can still sense my body leaning forward before I dragged it back.
I shut off the water when it turns cold enough to sting.
I dry myself without thinking, my movements automatic. The clothes are where he said they'd be—soft cotton that feels wrong after the tactical fabric.
I dress.
The bruise shows through the thin shirt, dark and ugly.
I look at myself in the mirror and see a man trying to pretend nothing happened.
I leave the bathroom and walk to the bedroom, where Ivan is waiting.
9
IVAN
