I flinched, but I didn’t stop walking.
“Marcus, slow down!” Xavier called again.
I heard his footsteps quicken behind me, but I couldn’t stop. If I stopped, if I turned around and looked at him, I’d have to explain why I’d just made a complete fool of myself. Why I’d bolted from a harmless bachelor party like some scared animal.
“Marcus, please.” Xavier’s hand caught my arm, and the touch sent electricity shooting through my body even through the panic. “Just talk to me.”
I finally stopped, but I couldn’t bring myself to face him. My chest was heaving, my breath coming in short gasps that I couldn’t seem to control. The cool night air did nothing to ease the heat burning under my skin.
“I can’t do this,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I could, but I can’t.”
“Can’t do what?” Xavier moved around to stand in front of me, forcing me to look at him. His eyes were full of concern, no judgment, no mockery. Just worry. “The party? Or… something else?”
“All of it.” I pulled my arm free, running my hand through my hair and knocking my hat askew. “Being in there with everyone, pretending like I’m just one of the guys having a good time at a bachelor party. Like I’m not—” I cut myself off, unable to say the words even now.
“Like you’re not gay?” Xavier supplied gently.
The word hit me like a physical blow. I’d never said it out loud. Never admitted it to anyone, not even in those anonymous encounters in Austin. It was just something I did, something I needed, but never something I was.
“I’m the sheriff,” I said instead, my voice cracking. “My daddy was the sheriff. His daddy before him. I have a responsibility to this town, to uphold a certain standard?—”
“Marcus.” Xavier stepped closer, his voice firm but kind. “Your father’s dead. And I don’t mean that to be cruel, but he is. You’re not living for him anymore. This is your life. It always has been.”
I shook my head, feeling the familiar weight settle back onto my shoulders. “You don’t understand. In a town like this, reputation is everything. If people knew, if they found out?—”
“Then what?” Xavier challenged. “They’d get rid of you? Not let you be sheriff anymore?”
I looked away from him, staring down at the dusty gravel beneath my boots. “Maybe. Probably not—people around here are loyal, and I’ve served them well. But they’d look at me different. Talk about me behind my back. Every decision I made would be questioned, every interaction scrutinized. I’d go from being Sheriff Webb to ‘that gay sheriff’ and nothing I do would ever be enough to change that.”
“So, you’re just going to hide forever?” There was an edge to Xavier’s voice now, frustration creeping in. “Sneak around, have secret encounters, never let yourself actually be happy because you’re terrified of what small-minded people might think?”
“I’m not hiding,” I shot back, even though we both knew it was a lie. “I’m being practical. This is my life, Xavier. This town is my life. I can’t just throw it all away because?—”
“Because what? Because you might actually want something for yourself for once?” He grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “Marcus, I’ve seen you. I’ve been with you. I know you’re miserable living like this. It’s written on your face plain as day.”
I wanted to argue, wanted to tell him he was wrong, that I was fine, that everything was under control. But the words wouldn’t come. Because he was right. I was miserable. I’d been miserable for years, decades even, living this half-life where I could never fully be myself.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked, and I hated how defeated I sounded. “Just walk back in there and let some stripper grind on me while everyone watches? Prove to the whole town that I’m—that I’m?—”
“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone,” Xavier said softly. “But Marcus, running away isn’t the answer either. Those guys in there? They’re your friends. They care about you. And I guarantee you, not a single one of them would judge you for being gay. Why would they? Everyone in thereisgay. Those are your people.”
I thought about Logan, who’d always been nothing but kind to me. About Hayden and Eli, who’d moved here from the city and never seemed to care what anyone thought. About Lucas and Beau, who’d fought so hard for their own happiness together.
“Beau knows,” I admitted quietly. “He figured it out. And he... he was okay with it. He tried to tell me it was okay to be myself.”
“See?” Xavier’s grip on my shoulders softened, his thumbs rubbing small circles that were probably meant to be comforting. “You’re not as alone as you think you are.”
I finally met his eyes, and the concern I saw there made my chest ache. When had this happened? When had Xavier gone from being just a distraction, a temporary fix, to someone whose opinion actually mattered to me?
“I don’t know how to do this,” I confessed. “How to be... open about it. I’ve spent my whole life hiding.”
“You don’t have to figure it all out tonight,” he replied, his expression full of understanding. “Nothing needs to change right this instant. But Marcus…” He paused for a long moment, his gaze drifting to the ground. “I know I’m nobody to you, but take it from a guy who spent most of his life hiding who he was. It’s not worth it. Sure, when I came out, it was hard. I lost my family and my home. But I never would’ve become the self that I love if not for that decision.”
I stared at Xavier, his words hitting me harder than I expected. He’d lost his family. His home. Everything. And here I was, terrified of losing a reputation, a badge, the approval of people who might not even care in the end. They didn’t seem to care about the other gay men in town, so why would I be any different?
“You’re not nobody to me,” I said before I could stop myself. The words hung in the air between us, too honest, too raw. But they were true, and denying it felt like just another lie I was telling myself.
Xavier’s eyes widened slightly, something vulnerable flashing across his face before he masked it with that familiar smirk. “Careful, Sheriff. That almost sounded like feelings.”
