This doesn’t make you a villain. It wasn’t your fault. You have to forgive yourself. You were a kid. A victim of circumstance.
How has that worked for you,piccola rompiscatole? Have you forgiven yourself for Noah? Will you ever?
No, you’re right. I haven’t. I won’t. But I’ve accepted that Noah made those decisions. Not me. There was a better way, and his choice was his own. He was the adult. The responsibility to pick right from wrong was his. Not mine.
I’ve also let go of my anger. I don’t hate you anymore, and you definitely shouldn’t hate yourself for something that was out of your control.
Thank you for telling me.
Chapter 25
Ainsley – nineteen / Renzo – thirty-two
Dear Ainsley,
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am a little late in wishing you a happy birthday. I trust you received all the furniture for your dorm room and that it has been arranged exactly per the floor plan you sketched. Let Mr. Blakely know if it does not fit your style, and he will return whatever piece you don’t like, and you can pick something else out. My treat.
Sincerely,
Renzo Iannelli
SOBERSIDED
I’ve been pacing my apartment for news. Why didn’t you tell me?
What the hell? I know you were stabbed. I heard Vinny talking about it. I tried to call the prison, but they wouldn’t tell me anything. Tore and Vinny have been too close-lipped about it, and neither Boyan nor Lou has picked up any information from them either. At least, if you’re writing, you’re not dying. Just give me more details. I need to know you’re okay.
We’ll get you out. I promise.
P.S. It’s a little on the nose that every piece of furniture that your lawyer had delivered happened to be ones I’d circled in a catalog that has now gone missing. I don’t think I’m your only spy.
P.P.S. Thank you. I love it.
Mia Piccola Rompiscatole,
Never promise what you cannot achieve. For example, I promised myself I’d never end up in prison. Look where that got me.
I have visited countries, seen beaches, monuments, great wonders people only read about. I have experienced luxuries dreams are made of. I reached a high I took for granted. Then I fell, about the furthest I could.
I am looking at this bloody altercation as a blessing. I have a hospital bed. A white room. Bright fluorescent lights. A private bathroom. Not terrible food. Those are the highlights of my month. For once, no gray walls. No bunk beds. No shared showers and lack of toilet paper. I should get stabbed more often.
I joke. I am just tired. Being handcuffed to this bed is probably the best vacation I have ever had. No struggles. No imposed routines. No need to keep one eye open.
I never thought I would find a hospital room relaxing. If you could relax anywhere, where would it be?
Sincerely,
Renzo Iannelli
Diary,
Don’t joke about that. Those are giving-up words. Fight, damnit. Fight. Live. Stay strong. Shit happens. You pick yourself up and keep going. We’ve been worried sick about you. Tore, Vinny, Lou, Boyan, Jac, Rico, me—all of us are rooting for you. It’s not an empty promise.
If I could go anywhere in the world, it would be the French Polynesian Islands. My parents went there on their honeymoon, and I used to flip through the photo album in awe of the pictures they’d taken. I want to see it with my own eyes one day.
What about you?
Ainsley,
