“Tell me about the day Ryan died.”
I swallow. “You sure you want to hear it?”
“I need to. For five years I’ve tried to let him go. I think that’s the missing piece. The military doesn’t give many details.”
“All right.” I stroke her arm, my mind going back to that horrible day. “I was supposed to relieve him of gate duty, but I was late. I was actually jogging across the open space when the first shots rang out. I watched in horror as four guys were cut down before anyone could respond and take out the shooter. I hit the dirt and reached for my weapon, but by then, the guy was down. I scrambled to my feet and took off running toward Ryan. I cradled him in my arms, but he was already gone.” I squeeze her tight. “I’m so sorry. It should have been me. I should have been the one standing at that gate. Not him.”
I feel her tears hit my bare chest and wonder if she can ever forgive me. I took so much from her.
“It’s not your fault, Cody. You didn’t kill him.”
“Didn’t I?”
She surges to a sitting position and smacks my chest hard.
“No. You didn’t. Don’t say that again.”
I rub the spot, knowing I deserve it. “Hit me again.”
“What?”
“Hit me again. Get it out. Get it all out. Only way either of us gets past this.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Hit me, Heather. Do it.”
“Stop.”
“Hit me again.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Shut up.”
“Get mad, Heather.”
“You’re making me mad. Stop it.”
“I killed him. He’s dead because of me. I’m the reason your life went to hell.”
She finally slaps my face. “Don’t say that again.” Then she collapses on my chest in sobs. “I’m so sorry.”
I hold her close, hoping somehow getting it out in the open will help us both.
I stroke her back until her tears stop.
“Can you stay with me tonight?” she whispers.
My stroking hand slows at her words. “What about Tucker? Will he wake up and run to his mom?”
“No. He sleeps like a log. Once he’s out, he’s out.”
“What time does he wake up?”
“Around six.”
