Fuck.
Frowning, wanting to cry, Jared placed both palms on Dylan’s chest, adding enough pressure for him to get the message. They had to stop.
“What’s wrong?” Dylan asked, voice hoarse, dripping with annoyance and greed.
“I can’t do this.” Jared looked down, a pang of pain in his heart when he saw the head of Dylan’s dick peeking above his boxers, leaking with pre-cum. He wanted him, craved him. But this was a line he wouldn’t cross, no matter how aroused he was. “I’m in a relationship...”
Dylan cleared his throat, reluctantly moving back to where he’d been sitting before.
“Right. Sorry,” he said, a small grunt leaving his lips when he tucked his cock away. He kept his hand there for a few seconds, looking everywhere but at Jared, aching with need.
Leaning forward, elbows propped on his knees, Jared hid his face in his palms and let out a huff. Disappointed in himself, he was now feeling conflicted and remorseful. It was as if his soul, mind, and body were being ripped apart.
“I shouldn’t…” He didn’t know how to finish that sentence. “If I wasn’t with…” He could feel his eyes watering when he looked back at Dylan. Guilt was such a bitch.
“Yeah…” He nodded, looking up at the ceiling, head resting on the back of the couch.
Silence crawled between them, forcing a crack in the foundation of their friendship like Jared had never imagined.
The air went cold, and so did his blood. He had no idea if this was just temporary fun for Dylan, something that had happened because the alcohol in their veins had killed their inhibitions, or if it meant something else. Had he hurt just his ego or also his feelings?
“I…” Jared started.
“I think you should leave.”
“Yeah.”
Dylan heaved out a sigh and got up. “But you’ve had too much to drink.” He crouched next to the sofa, rummaging inside a basket on the floor before turning to face Jared again, handing him some bedding.
Jared looked at him, confused.
“You’re not driving anywhere in this state.” Dylan gestured to the couch with his palm up, features devoid of emotions. No anger. No heartache. Just plain and utter indifference. “Sleep it off here. You can leave in the morning.”
Jared’s heart twisted, but he didn’t add a single word, simply nodding in understanding.
“Night,” Dylan tossed before locking himself in his bedroom, leaving Jared alone with his thoughts and the guilt eating him from within.
2. The one where Dylan can’t let go
It had been tendays since Dylan had last seen or spoken to Jared.
After their heavy mouth-to-mouth on the sofa, just like he’d suggested, Jared had left early the next morning. Dylan had no idea if Jared even slept, because when he woke up at five to pee, he was already gone.
A part of him felt relieved. Having to face Jared wasn’t something he was looking forward to. But the green dot beside Jared’s name on the chat platform meant he was back from his holiday, working remotely.
Tomorrow, it’ll be inevitable.
Dylan had fucked up. He was aware. While he hadn’t forced Jared to do anything, taking that first step and inviting him to cheat on his partner had been a low blow.
Look, he wasn’t a conceited bastard who thought everyone was crazy about him. He was usually pretty oblivious to that, especially when he wasn’t interested in a person, but he knew Jared liked him. There was something in the way he looked and smiled at him. Dylan simply knew. It was like a superpower.
However, no matter how sexually active he was, Dylan was so tired of every dude he’d met wanting him to top he had lost interest in even trying. And when it came to women, well, most of the ones he’d hooked up with weren’t into pegging. Not tomention his lack of emotional connection with everyone he’d slept with over the past few years.
So now he was just going with the flow, navigating this half-assed life while doing what felt right for him. Didn’t give a flying fuck if it meant he’d become the male version of a crazy cat lady.
The world not-so-subtly and constantly tells us that by the age of thirty, we should have our lives figured out—be gorgeous, have the perfect job, get married, own a house with a white picket fence, have kids—like that was the only way to achieve true happiness.
But, in Dylan’s opinion, that was precisely why so many people ended up trapped in empty or toxic relationships. They weren’t seeking a soulmate, just someone to tick all the boxes off that list, afraid of being alone.
