Noah laughed as he walked out of the bathroom, zipping up his jeans. “Jealous much?”
“Please,” Kaj scoffed.
“It was nothing. Just two music nerds sharing opinions.”
“And during the concert?” That man standing on the stage’s left wing while they were playing, following Noah’s every move, had made the skin on Kaj’s scalp prickle.
“What about it?”
“He was eye-fucking you the whole damn time.”
“Just because you find me irresistible doesn’t mean everyone else does, Larsen.” Noah’s eyes narrowed slightly, then he smirked. The vocalist was toying with Kaj, and he was letting him.
Kaj nodded with a condescending gesture. “Is that how you plan to growyour community?”
Noah’s mouth twitched as he glared at him. “What the fuck is your problem?”
The air in the room thickened. Xander and Aksel exchanged confused glances, and Markus, who’d been cleaning and re-stringing the bass before packing it, suddenly found urgent business elsewhere.
“Can you two not do this tonight?” Xander sighed, clearly fed up with their bickering. “I thought you were over this bullshit?”
The door to the dressing room swung open with a bang that cut through the tension like a knife. Niels, who had a mater’s degree in wrangling four metalheads with egos larger than their amplifiers, swept in with an expression that suggested he’d rather be herding cats than dealing with them.
“There are about ten industry people waiting to kiss your collective asses before we hit the road tonight,” he said, his voice carrying a distinctive Norwegian drawl of don’t-fuck-with-me authority. “So get out there as soon as possible, please. And for fuck’s sake, you two.” He glanced between Noah and Kaj. “I could smell the testosterone from down the hallway. Do I need to bring some baseball bats next time so you can solve your problems once and for all?” Niels surveyed the room like someone who’d seen it all and was thoroughly unimpressed by any of it. “Fantastic show tonight, by the way,” he added, abruptly changing the subject. “Arkham Records is really pleased with your results so far during this tour. Keep up the good work, yeah?”
“Will do.” Xander nodded.
“Good. Now take a shower. Seriously. You stink. We’ll be waiting for you outside. And no more soap opera scenes.”
Although the manager’s intervention had successfully defused the brawl, Kaj couldn’t help but roll his eyes at those words.
The band members dispersed. They helped the crew finish loading the gear before taking turns to shower and change. And two hours later, after briefly talking with some reporters and promoters, with the tension between Noah and Kaj lingering like stale cigarette smoke, they were finally on the bus.
Kaj slid into his bunk, pulling the thin curtain shut with more force than necessary while the rest stayed outside, hanging out and playing video games. He put on his earphones and closed his eyes, darkness blooming behind his eyelids, offering a glimpse of the peace his mind longed for.
Live performances always left him vibrating like one of his cymbals after a vicious hit. But lately, with Noah, that feeling had transformed into something else.
Even through the blur of anger and envy, Kaj couldn’t deny it. The way Noah commanded the stage, standing in the middle of it with the mic close to his mouth, walking from one side to the other, getting up on the platform at the front, crouching down, jumping, and interacting with their audience like he owned their fucking souls… It was like watching a titan rise from a deep slumber. Powerful. Breathtaking. Unstoppable.
Just thinking about it was enough to make Kaj’s body react, transporting him directly to the mess of sheets, desire, and moans they’d been last night.
Fuck.
It was supposed to be a one-time thing. A way to get that man out of his system so Kaj could press the restart button and continue with his life. It wasn’t supposed to leave him wanting more, so hollow and torn.
Dr. Mortensen had said it could be a good thing to explore sex again since Noah seemed to be someone Kaj was truly attracted to and not just some excuse to elude his fears, but the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced this was like playing Russian roulette—potentially lethal.
Fifteen
Kajsankdeeperintothe couch, gaze fixed on the flickering TV screen but not really seeing anything.
He’d never been a fan of sci-fi movies, so he had no idea what the hell he was doing watching… whatever this was. Kaj didn’t care. All he could feel as the scene unfolding in front of his eyes faded into a distant hum was a riptide of memories washing over him.
His throat tightened, and a pressure that felt like a ton of cement solidified in his lungs.
No one made it out alive. That was just how the cycle of life worked. But not being able to see Dad, hug him, and make fun of his silly jokes hurt too much. He should have said ‘I love you’ more. He should have told him that he was proud of being his son. That he wouldn’t be so good at playing drums if it weren’t for him. That he would give anything to bring him back.
As the guy on TV put down his own dog after being bitten by a zombie, Kaj shifted uncomfortably. He’d always hated when animals got hurt or died, even if it was fiction. He liked them more than he liked most people. The worst was that this scene only intensified the ache spreading throughout his body like wildfire. Dad used to love dogs, but he was so allergic he couldn’t pet one without getting a rash.
