Tucking himself in bed was so soothing he couldn’t help the sigh that escaped him, but the voices in the next room—Noah’s room—redirected his attention. Kaj froze, holding his breath as his ears perked up. The conversation was slightly muffled, but the walls were so thin he could hear the whole thing.
“I just... I don’t know, man. It feels wrong, you know?” Noah’s voice was low, tinged with frustration.
“What does?” That was Aksel.
“Being here, playing shows, and having fun while she’s…”
“Noah, come on. You can’t beat yourself up like this,” Aksel said, his voice gentle. “I get it. Being away while they might need our help sucks big time, but what do you think your mom would say if she heard you talking like this?”
Kaj frowned.They’re talking about Trine? What the hell?
“She’d tell me to put on my big girl panties and shove me out the door.”
Aksel chuckled. “Exactly.”
“But what if something happens? She’s been there for me through everything, and now, when she needs me the most, I’m gallivanting across the fucking world.”
“That’s not fair, you’re notgallivanting. You’re working, building a career and a future for yourself. Fuck, you even admitted to me you only accepted to join the band so you could cover their expenses while Sigrid’s fully focusing on taking care of your mom.”
Kaj’s stomach twisted as his whole body stiffened. They were talking about Trine and this other woman he knew nothing about like Aksel had actually met them.
Kaj clenched and unclenched his hands. Why was he angry? He was the one who wanted to stay as far away as possible from Noah.
“Still… I feel so helpless, you know?”
“And you think that stopping your own life and being miserable would make hers better?”
“I know you’re right. It’s just—”
“She’s got the best doctors, and it’s not like she’s alone. She’s got a horde of dogs, cats, and Sigrid,” Aksel continued. “You’re doing exactly what she wants you to do—living your dream.”
“Does she really, though?” Noah’s voice cracked. It sounded almost like the three of them were sitting together, which meant Noah’s bed was probably close to the wall, too, placed symmetrically in the adjoined room. “She just went through surgery two months ago, chemo and radiation now. Even if she tries to put on a brave face when we video chat, I know her. She’s feeling like absolute shit. And where am I? In some fancy hotel room, living it up.”
The words hung in the air like a dark cloud.Surgery? Chemo and radiation? Trine has cancer?
Kaj’s heart skidded.
“Stop it,” Aksel said firmly. “None of this is your fault, and there is nothing you can do to help her. Besides, the doctors said the cancer is in remission now, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Focus on that, and not that voice that makes you think everything will go wrong. From the little time I’ve known your mom, I can tell she’s tough as nails. She won’t let this shit disease win. Just keep doing what you’re doing—give your best on stage, make her proud, and keep fucking living. And when the tour’s over, you’ll be right back at her side.”
There was a long pause.
“Thanks,” Noah finally said. “I needed to hear that.”
“Anytime.” Kaj could hear the smile in Aksel’s voice. “That’s what friends are for. Now try to get some sleep, yeah?”
“Yeah. Goodnight. And thanks again.”
“No worries. Night, man.”
There was some shuffling, then the sound of a door closing.
Kaj’s thoughts swirled as he stared at the ceiling.Trine has cancer. That made him see Noah’s occasional distant looks and the days he was late for rehearsal becausehe was helping his momdifferently now.
Fuck.
