He’d texted Mads and asked him to come over to look after Kaj. Because as much as it stung that Kaj had trusted him before anyone else to open up about what crippled his heart, Noah couldn’t deny that he was a pillar in Kaj’s life.
Was Noah jealous of their relationship? Depended on the day. Mads was talented, handsome, and kind. He and Kaj had a long history. Even after they’d broken up, they’d kept fucking on and off when there was no better option or they were bored, until it became so toxic it was untenable—that was what Kaj had told him. However, Kaj never truly loved him. So Noah, as petty and possessive as he was, held onto that like a badge of honor.
Yet, none of that mattered the moment he closed the front door that early morning.
The city had been still as he walked down the street. Heavy with the kind of silence that feels like it’s holding its breath as he ordered an Uber. Fake name. Cash option. It’d been summer, but at 8 a.m., it was kind of chilly. Noah pulled his hoodie over his head and tucked his hands into his pockets, fists tightening around the black balaclava and the gloves he sometimes used on stage.
When he reached the pickup location he’d chosen, away from Kaj’s apartment, he simply stood there, blankly looking ahead. His mind was empty except for one thought spinning louder than the rest:He doesn’t get to exist in the same world as Kaj anymore.
The forty-minute ride felt like no time at all. Or maybe too long. He couldn't tell. His mind was some strange white noise—too quiet to be rational, too loud to be peaceful. All he knew was Jesper’s address, the one the private investigator had given him.
The Uber stopped outside Jesper’s house. Noah got out without a word, and as soon as the driver left, after making sure no one was around, he jumped the fence. It took him a few minutes to find a way in, but once he did, he put on his balaclava and the gloves.
Then—nothing.
For weeks, his memories of that day were a blur. It’d felt like someone had cut the film, taped over it, and fast-forwarded. He couldn’t recall how he’d gotten inside. Where he had found Jesper. The first hit or the second. Everything after he’d stepped into his backyard was a red haze, buzzing heat, and cracking bones.
The next thing he remembered was someone yelling.
But it wasn’t Jesper’s voice.
It was Kaj’s. Raw and breathless, like he’d been screaming his name for hours.
He’d never felt so conflicted in his life before.
“Noah.”
He blinked.
Kaj was looking at him, a wrinkle between his brows as he placed the guitar on the floor, resting against the coffee table.
“Where did you go?” he asked with a gentle smile playing on his lips.
“Nowhere.” Noah shook his head. “Just zoning out.”
Kaj gave him a knowing look, the kind that saidbullshitwithout needing to say it. Then he turned to face Noah completely, leaned back on the armrest with his legs straightened, and crossed his arms.
“You know I’m getting better and better at reading you, right?” Kaj nudged Noah’s leg with his foot.
Noah’s eyes flicked to the jars of candles lined up on the shelf over the TV. There was a dozen of them. Kaj had bought them during a random, impulsive shopping spree at the overpriced home goods store he pretended to hate.
The living room felt… cozy. Like their own personal sanctuary. A warm bubble suspended in time, tucked away from the chaos outside. The air smelled sweet and warm as amber, burned wood, and toasted marshmallow scents mixed in the atmosphere with a hint of damp vegetation, like when you go out early and the grass is still glistening with morning dew.
“You’ve been nesting,” Noah said without trying to hide the amusement in his tone.
Kaj raised an eyebrow. “What are you on about now?”
“I mean… Look at this.” Noah motioned with his hands around them. “The fluffy blankets, the candles, the soft cushions. It feels like a yoga retreat, but your face and personality don’t match the vibe at all.” He flashed him a mischievous grin.
“What the fuck does that mean?” Kaj shifted on the couch and crawled on top of Noah, forcing him to drop the notebook where he’d been scribbling lyrics for their next album.
“You look scary.”
Kaj pinched Noah’s side and narrowed his eyes at him, earning himself a wider grin. “It’s the face you fell in love with, I don’t know why you’re complaining,” he countered. “So maybe check yourself.”
“I’m not complaining. Just stating a fact. You walk around looking like you’re two seconds away from stabbing someone in the kidney, but then you’re over here lighting‘Autumn whisper’candles, being all romantic and shit.”
Kaj vibrated with a full-chested laugh. “First of all, they’re called ‘Mountain Cabin’ and ‘Rainy Day’.”
