Kaj wanted to call after him, ask where he was going, but he was tangled up in his head and couldn’t get a word out as he stared at the ceiling.
He didn’t regret his request, but now that he was here alone, feeling cold where Noah’s hot skin was before, it made him a little self-conscious. Too aware of the electricity traveling up and down his body. The drumming of his heart. The erratic sound of his breaths. The flare of fear in the back of his mind mixing with anticipation.
What if I can’t do it?
Kaj barely had time to analyze his thoughts when Noah came back and knelt between his legs, bottle of lube in hand.
There was something in his eyes that told Kaj he was as excited and nervous as he was. But there was also determination and a love so infinite the anxiety slithering inside him evaporated.
Settling over him again, Noah grounded Kaj in the moment. Their mouths molded together, and their tongues tangled in a battle neither of them wanted to end. They’d done this a million times, but it felt different today. It was more intense and deliberate, yet it somehow reminded Kaj of the first time they’d kissed.
Kaj glided his palms over Noah’s sides, relishing in the smoothness of his skin before it turned rougher at the base of his jaw. Worshipping. Claiming. Savoring breathless groans as Noah returned the caresses, stroking invisible bruises and scars like he wasn’t afraid of the darkness they hid.
Like he wanted to erase them.
He took his time building him, slowly driving him insane as he moved lower and lower… Kaj knew Noah was enjoying torturing him like this. He saw it in the sinful glint in his eyes and that addictive lopsided grin when he looked up at him, right before unceremoniously sucking his cock into his mouth.
Noah bobbed his head up and down, dug his tongue into the slit of his cock, ran it up the underside, pressed it down on that spot that made Kaj feel like he was going to explode. After a while, when Kaj was panting like he’d just finished a marathon and Noah was satisfied with the wreckage he’d made of him, he opened wider and took him farther. He gagged momentarily and slobbered. It was so fucking hot, so messy and dirty.
Wet slurps and ragged breaths filled the room, building knots in Kaj’s core as he heard the unmistakable sound of a bottle uncapping. There was a sharp inhale as Noah let go of his dick. Cold liquid dripped over his thigh. Then Noah’s fingers started working on him, unhurriedly circling his hole.
“Fuck,” Noah whisper-growled, kissing Kaj’s knee with feral tenderness. “You’re perfect...”
Knowing they weren’t stopping there, Kaj’s mind split in half with arousal and hesitation. His heart went haywire as his grip tightened on the arm Noah was perched on. He teased and gently dipped in his fingertips, easing the tension coiling inside Kaj enough to slip a finger inside.
Kaj let out a sound that was half-moan and half-growl. Maybe it was the turmoil unraveling in his head or the emotional peak from before, but he was extremely sensitive today.
“Love the way you always react to me,” Noah husked.
His hand slid over Kaj’s abdomen, his inner thigh, and his crotch while two fingers of the other moved in and out of him relentlessly, scissoring, curling, vibrating in a way that turned him into a useless boneless thing within seconds.
Unlike the other times Kaj had been on the receiving end, Noah didn’t check with him every now and then. He didn’t ask how he was doing or if he needed him to slow down. Nothing. He just continued pushing, taking what he craved—what was his—while keeping those dark eyes heavy on him.
His lips parted, and Kaj mirrored his expression, too hypnotized to control his own body when Noah eased a third finger inside him.
“Fuck…” Kaj could feel his soul hovering above him, lost in a plane between reality and a dream.
“I can’t fucking wait to be inside you.”
Noah massaged his inner walls, skillfully applying pressure where he most needed it, increasing the rhythm as he fucked him with his fingers.
For a moment, Kaj could feel that eerie monstrosity that had been living within him for years trying to creep in. It came and went in flashes, getting closer and disappearing intermittently in time with his heartbeats. But this wasn’t the past. He wasn’t a defenseless kid anymore. If he wanted to stop this, he could stop it. He just needed to say the word.
But he didn’t want to.
Not while it was Noah kneeling in front of him, looking at him with that overwhelming blend of lust and reverence, raggedly breathing against his leg, keeping him from falling into the abyss. Every touch, every sound he made, and those lips pressed to his skin were enough to keep him anchored. Because this intoxicating atmosphere only they knew how to create was a reminder that this was different. That he was safe.
“I’m gonna fuck you, babe,” Noah panted, lifting Kaj’s right leg and draping it around his hips as he propped his left foot on the floor. “I’m gonna fuck you so good and so fucking hard, you’ll want it to go on forever.”
The head of Noah’s cock breached Kaj’s hole.
There was a tear in his mind. Being at someone’s mercy, trapped under their weight like this, was usually so triggering for him. But instead of fighting that dreadful sensation, Kaj let it sink until he couldn’t feel it anymore. Until Noah inching forward inside him took over his entire existence.
He sucked in a deep breath, hand tightening on Kaj’s hip as his arms trembled like he was holding back. But maybe he was just reveling in how Kaj opened up for him.
Their world shrank down to the cadence of their hearts. To the heat of their bodies. To the silent understanding that this moment was more thanneed—it was surrender.
Kaj’s fingers dug into Noah’s asscheeks when he bottomed out, eliciting a grunt out of them.
