Kaj nodded, absently turning his ring again. “I’m not sure I could act on it, though. Not right now.”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but if you decide to bring this up with Noah,” she continued, “approach it as a conversation, not a confession. You’re not admitting to some dark, twisted desire. Trust yourself and the connection you’re building.”
Kaj exhaled slowly. “Not sure how to do that. I’m still figuring out how to separate what happened to me from who I’ve been all these years and who I am now.”
Some people who went through the same were able to compartmentalize and move on easily. Some faced their issues right off the bat to avoid the traumatic experience marking them for life. Others never spoke about it and suffered in silence, learning to live with that sort of loneliness entrenched in their hearts. And then, others like Kaj let it fester under their skin, allowing the infection to spread further and deeper, reaching places unknown. They functioned on a surface level, spending years blocked inside until, one day, everything exploded.
Different strategies for different personalities.
Knowing what Kaj knew now, though, he wished he’d sought help earlier. He’d probably be free of this burden that made him feel so jaded.
“That’s a lifelong process,” Dr. Mortensen said, her voice gentle. “But from where I’m sitting, you’ve made remarkable progress. Your trauma doesn’t control your responses anymore, not entirely—you do. The fact that your subconscious now associates Noah with safety rather than danger, even in scenarios that would typically be triggering, speaks volumes.”
“I guess you’re right...”
Sunlight shifted through the window, casting golden patterns across the wooden floor as they continued talking about the next steps regarding Jesper. Thirty minutes later, the session wrapped up with Dr. Mortensen reminding Kaj of their appointment next week.
As Kaj stepped out onto the street, the afternoon light streamed through branches of the trees, casting dancing shadows on the ground. He allowed himself a moment to pause as he took a deep breath. The summer vibes in the air, intensified by the hustle and bustle of the city, bicycles passing by, and the distant sound of the river, and the normality of it all felt comforting after the intensity of the last twenty-four hours. For the first time in years, Kaj felt like he could breathe, really breathe.
Twenty-four
Aftertextingtheguysin the group when he returned from his appointment with Dr. Mortensen yesterday, they were meeting here, in Kaj’s penthouse.
Although he knew he had to, Kaj still wasn’t convinced about telling them who the stalker was, much less explaining how he’d known. That would lead to other questions he neither wanted nor was ready to answer.
Hopefully they would be smart boys and get it without needing Kaj to spell it out for them.
“You’ve got this,” Noah said, squeezing Kaj’s hand.
“I just want this to be over. All of it.”
“With his record, he’s not getting away with this,” Mads clipped without averting his eyes from the TV, where an overly tragic, cheap B-movie was playing. “He’s done.”
Yes, he was here, too. He’d invited himself for the past couple of weeks because he and his new fuck toy had broken his bed. Kaj had told him a mattress on the floor wasn’t the end of the world, but Mads reminded him how he had an empty room with a bed and a bunch of his stuff in the closet, which intrinsically made it his. Then, he put on those ridiculous puppy eyes of his. So, Kaj had no other choice but to agree.
Thankfully, he was respecting Kaj’s space and wasn’t bringing that asshole here.
Kaj didn’t care who, how, or where Mads fucked, but he didn’t like that dude. The way he treated him… Kaj couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but there was something off with that man.
Mads was a kinky little shit, but he’d never liked being marked or handled too roughly. However, a couple of days before starting the tour, he’d shown up with a bruise on his jaw. Said they’d gotten carried away. Of course, Kaj didn’t buy it, but there was nothing he could do if Mads didn’t want to talk about it. Besides, at the time, Kaj was concerned about other things—like spending too much time with Noah when they could barely tolerate each other.
Funny how things change in such little time.
The doorbell rang, bringing Kaj back to the real world.
“I’ll get that.” Noah got up before the drummer could even react.
“So…” Mads’s lips curled in that mischievous grin that ratted him out before he opened his mouth. “That was quite fast.”
“What?” Kaj rolled his eyes and huffed out an exhausted sigh.
“Two months ago, you were at each other’s throats and now he’s moving in. Are you pregnant or something?”
“Idiot.”
Mads cackled softly. “Is that a yes?”
“Shut up.”
