“Do you still... have feelings for him?”
He clenched his jaw for a moment. It had been quite some time for him to say he was still in love with Kaj, but something was definitely there. Why would it hurt so much to see him with someone else otherwise?
Spending a big chunk of the night tossing and turning, mind wrestling with the fragments of who they had been, only ended with Noah more confused than before. After spending so long thinking he was over Kaj and his infidelity, he’d thought he would be indifferent if they saw each other again. But being in his presence had destroyed all the walls Noah had carefully built to protect himself.
There was no way he’d hate that man when the most beautiful period of his life until that horrible day had been the time he’d spent with him. Nothing after Kaj had ever come close to the peace and freedom he had provided. Every inch of his skin was mapped in Noah’s palms, his lips, and his fucking heart.
Maybe what he missed and longed for wasn’t the person per se, but the emotions he stirred. However, Noah couldn’t deny he might still feel something for him. Not when seeing Kaj and the ridiculously attractive man he’d become had set his body on fire.
How could he affect him so deeply after all this time?
“I’m... not sure,” he finally said, the dead weight in his chest lightening a little, but making him scrunch with guilt all the same.
He was with Zach. Kaj was with Mads. There were so many reasons, obstacles, resentment, and pain, to not even think about it. Yet a forbidden desire had already hatched somewhere in his soul.
Trine got up from her seat and walked over to Noah. She rested her chin on top of his head and embraced him, blurring his distress in the background for a moment.
“You don’t need to decide anything right now,” she whispered in that soothing tone that characterized her. “These things... they take time. But whatever the outcome is, be honest with yourself.”
NINETEEN
Nineteen
After that day, Noahlocked everything inside again.
There was no point in thinking about it. They didn’t move in the same circles. Noah had been in Roskilde, partying and enjoying the lively life in the capital since August the previous year, and not even once had he crossed paths with Kaj. New Year’s had been just a fateful coincidence.
Besides, he had a lot to focus on right now. With the portfolio submission deadline in a week, he had no time to lose. The twenty minutes of music he’d composed were almost done, but he still had the mastering to do. The fucking mastering. Thankfully for him, one of the teachers there worked in the industry and knew his way around the studio.
Then there was also Zach.
His roommates at the apartment were a bit too noisy sometimes, but at least they got some privacy from time to time. Zach was working for a company as a sound tech, and some days he was too tired to go out and compete for the gold medalin drinking—it was their favorite sport, apparently. The job wasn’t the most stable since he was freelancing, but it covered his expenses and allowed him to save some money for when he started college at the end of summer.
And here they were now, at a club that was hosting some concerts tonight.
Zach was working, coordinating with his colleagues to set everything on stage for the bands while Noah stared at his ass in those tight black jeans. He was sitting on a stool in the bar area, facing outward with an elbow propped on the counter as he sipped from his beer. The guys were coming later to celebrate Val’s birthday—he was a late January baby—but for now, he would continue relishing the view.
Or not.
“Why don’t you just take a picture and stop drooling like you have rabies?”
Noah stiffened at the sound of the deep yet still familiar voice behind him. His heart pounded in his chest as Kaj walked around him. He quirked an eyebrow when their eyes locked, a sinister smirk tugging at the corner of Kaj’s mouth.
“What are you doing here?” Noah asked, dumbfounded.
“I’m playing tonight. What areyoudoing here? Other than leering at that dude.”
Noah’s nostrils flared as he took a deep breath, confused about the rattle in his stomach when he saw Kaj not only had two rings in his lip but also a piercing in his tongue. “I didn’t know you still played.”
“You don’t know many things, Sørensen.”
Ouch.
“So, that guy, huh?” Kaj tilted his head, resting his elbows on the bar beside Noah and giving Zach a once-over.
“So, Mads,huh?” Noah returned the question, but his tone, unlike Kaj’s, was bitter.
“Yeah.” He lifted a shoulder as he gestured to the barman. “You plowing him?”
