“He told us you caught him with someone else,” Val replied. “Was actually surprised you haven’t said anything about it.”
“Caught, what a fucking euphemism.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Because!”
Val tilted his head. “Right.”
“I was ashamed, okay?” Noah huffed, lying down to look at the ceiling instead of them. “I felt like… Like I wasn’t enough. Like I was the one to blame for him cheating on me.”
“There might be times when it happens on an emotional level because one of the sides has grown distant and cold, and the other is afraid to bring the topic up but still needs the reassurance that they’re not worthless,” Val said, talking from experience. “But still, the only one to blame for cheating is the cheater.”
“Yeah, I know, but I didn’t know how to deal with it back then, and it didn’t make sense talking about it anymore later on.”
“I get that. But just so you know, he looked pretty remorseful, Noah.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“What? No. Not at all. But at least now we understand what really happened between you two. Everything makes moresense. Why you were in such bad shape for months and why he didn’t reach out to us—he was ashamed and afraid of our reaction to what you could have told us.”
“Sure.” Noah rolled his eyes and got up again.
Without another word, he walked outside the room and toward the kitchenette. He was in his underwear, but he didn’t care if someone saw him. There weren’t that many people living there anymore, anyway. Opening one of the cabinets, he grabbed a bottle of whiskey and tipped his head back. Although they’d been drinking from six until midnight—when everything went to shit—he was sober now, and all he wanted to do was drink himself stupid so he could tamp the emotions pushing against his ribs.
“That’s a horrible coping mechanism, you know?” Theo said as they approached him.
“I can’t fucking do this.” Noah perched his hands on the counter and let his head fall forward.
“What are you talking about?”
“Have him back in my life again.”
“And why would that happen?” Theo asked, an undertone of sarcasm in his voice.
“Noah, he’s changed,” Val said. “Wehave changed. We can’t be who we were anymore. But I’m not gonna deny that talking to him has taken a weight off my shoulders. It was nice hearing everything he had to say and seeing him doing so well.”
“Do you still feel something for him or what?” Theo blurted with his signature tactlessness.
Noah glared at him.
“Is that a yes?”
“Dude!” Val slapped his abs with the back of his hand.
“Fuck you,” Noah hissed.
He left the whiskey bottle on the counter and returned to their room, falling asleep in the middle of an exhausting emotional battle as some loud, angry music roared through his earphones.
The next day, Noah didn’t open his mouth. Not when his friends said good morning, or when they had breakfast together. He remained even quieter when he sat to work on his project until it was time to go.
However, when the three of them arrived at his mom’s house, he plastered a fake smile on his face.
“Happy New Year, Mom!”
“Jesus. Don’t be so loud.” She grimaced, but of course still hugged her son, then Val and Theo. “Happy New Year, boys.”
“Thank you for having us over,” Theo said as they took their coats and boots off in the foyer.
