What. The. Fuck?
The world around Noah swayed, making him lose balance for a moment. And suddenly, the feelings he had buried deep down fell to pieces at his feet like shattered glass.
Noah had learned to live with the pain of not being Kaj’s cornerstone as he was dating Mads. He’d made peace with the idea of sharing this man with him. But in his delusion, he believed that somewhere along this thorny path, they would endup trusting each other again. He had convinced himself that with the two of them, his job, and the band, Kaj wouldn’t have time or need anyone else. That was the only reason Noah was still walking on the edge of a knife. And now... the boost of serotonin Kaj had offered felt like a thousand cuts.
With the air in his lungs burning, Noah resumed his way to the train station. The lies he fed himself and Kaj had let him believe as facts had been nothing but a retaining wall to preserve his sanity in the middle of a battle between what he wanted and what he should do. And it had all crumbled down.
His pulse rumbled in his veins and hopelessness infected his cells one by one. His heart struggled to keep him alive, writhing in his chest as an unspeakable love he hadn’t dared to acknowledge before slowly drowned in this cruel reality.
Always and foreverwas just a pantomime.
Don’t contact me ever again
We’re done
After that night, and several attempts on Kaj’s part to contact him, Noah blocked his number, certain that if he heard his voice or saw him, he would get trapped in his web again.
It probably made Noah a despicable coward, but since he didn’t have anything to say to Kaj, he didn’t want to risk the little self-respect he had left.
The farther, the better.
The wounds Kaj inflicted in the past shattered promises and dreams, along with his heart.
This one, however, was all on Noah.
He had to let Kaj go. For real this time.
As he approached his house, he fished for the keys in his pocket. The streets were so silent at this hour, they gave ghost town vibes.
When he finally walked in the foyer, he kicked his Vans off, hating how hyperactive his brain got after his shifts at the venue. He was exhausted, but after dozing off on the train, he would lie wide awake on his bed for a long while. Thankfully, this had been the last time. And since he’d convinced Mom to spend the weekend at Sigrid’s, he wouldn’t have anyone waking him up early in the morning. She had protested, using the most ridiculous excuses, but she shouldn’t stop living her life because he was moving to the UK in a few days. More so when she was coming with him for the first two weeks.
“Rocket?” he called. That fur ball was always barking the moment his keys or Trine’s clinked a hundred meters from the house. “Are you sleeping?” he said as he approached the couch, concerned. “Jesus, tell me I didn’t leave the back door open and you ran away...” Noah strode to the end of the kitchen, already panicking, but the door was closed.
He was about to rush into his mom’s bedroom to check under the bed and inside the closet—that dog was like a cat sometimes—when Rocket walked out of his room, jogging toward him with his characteristic gait of small jumps and a crazy wagging tail.
“Don’t you ever give me a heart attack like that again.”
He crouched down to pet him, then followed him to the backyard to check the fence was locked—paranoia getting the best of him. He had taken Rocket for a walk before going to work, but there was no way they would go anywhere at this hour when he just wanted to hit the bed, so the garden would have to do until the next morning.
Noah left him to do his thing for a few minutes while he went to his room. Mindlessly unbuckling his belt and unzipping hisjeans, he switched on the light. All the alarms set off in his mind as pain and anger paralyzed him.
“W-what the—”
“That Rocket boy is super sweet.” Kaj was lying on Noah’s bed like it was his own, legs crossed at the ankles. “Fierce little thing didn’t trust me at first, but we’ve been cuddling here for some time,” he said, tongue tangling at some of the syllables.
So much for a guardian dog.“What are you doing here?” Noah tossed his wallet and phone on the desk, putting on a fake mask of calmness to conceal the way his heart leaped in his chest.
“You wouldn’t reply to my texts or answer my calls. I’d bet my hands that you’ve blocked me.”
“What if I have?”
Kaj scoffed. “Coward.”
“Stop calling me that. I have nothing to say to you.” Noah crossed his arms, getting on the defensive when the drummer stood up.
“So, after everything, you’re going to fucking leave meagainwithout even saying goodbye?” Kaj slurred. “Why didn’t you tell me about London?”
“Like you told me about Artificial Suicide?”
