Somehow, weaved within all the feelings that he’d always thought were just a really tight friendship, there was something else. Something new. Something confusing, petrifying… But above all, filled with hope.
Not only had he enjoyed sex more when his friend’s scent and warmth were wrapped around him, which should have been a definite indicator, but he also hadn’t hated the shared caresses or the fierce eye contact they’d had on multiple occasions, adding a dash of intimacy he’d never known before.
Marc, more than any other of his friends, had felt like a shelter in some of the worst moments; a constant in his life he couldn’t live without. Fucking peace in the middle of a war. Sure, Leah and Erik had always been there for him too, but around this man, he could cry and not feel weak. Marc was like a fucking lifeline.
It wasn’t as if the others didn’t make him feel safe and seen. Not at all. Chris was a lucky bastard for having all these incredible people he didn’t deserve, but it was different with the bassist.
“I don’t know where to start,” he finally answered, not looking at her. He couldn’t pinpoint how or when it had all started, and just now he was trying to accept this entirely new reality that had hit him like a cannonball.
“But did you two…” she trailed off, probably unsure of how to ask what she’d been itching to know from the start without offending him.
“We fucked. Yeah,” Chris deadpanned.
Well, he sucked my cock and I jerked him off, he thought. There was no way he was going to get into the specifics of what they had done when he was still trying to process it all. Not ready for that yet. Barely to have this conversation. But if this was what she needed to get her mind off of whatever was haunting her, so be it. It could also do him well.
“Had you… ever done that before?”
“No.” He frowned. “I mean, you know I’m no virgin—”
“And you can be quite nasty.”
He snorted. “Yeah.”
“But…?”
“It’s hard to explain,” he started, gaze fixed on the ceiling again as if all the answers were written there. “Growing up, I was confused. Like, a normal couple in our society was supposed to be a man and a woman, and I kinda never questioned it. That was what they told us everywhere. The movies, the commercials... And we were too young to even understand, but I still felt different. And I hated that so much. So, I guess I just buried it?” He paused, trying to reorganize the rest of his thoughts so they made sense to her.
“Then, when we were in high school,” Chris continued, “that sensation of being stuck became stronger again. I didn’t understand why or what, but something was missing. I had always considered myself straight, because, while gender seemed irrelevant, like I could tell if a guy was hot or not—you remember our stupid game?”
“Yeah.” Leah grinned without looking at him, giving him the time and space he needed to vent. Fuck if he didn’t love this woman and how she always made the most disturbing and uncomfortable talks easy.
“The thing is, I don’t mind talking about other dudes, but I’ve never really been attracted to them. I had crushes galore in the past, but it was all on girls. So, I kinda convinced myself it was just a phase. You know, puberty, the raging hormones… Then I started dating Emma, and I stopped thinking about it. Especially since I’ve only hooked up with chicks after her…” He shrugged.
“And what about the threesomes? Some of them have been with other men, too.”
“Yeah, but I’ve never directly interacted with them. Like, don’t get me wrong, I get off watching them fuck, or being sucked while I’m drilling into whichever chick from behind but—”
“Too much information.”
He was just glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, but didn’t miss the moment she crinkled her nose with a smile still stretching her lips.
Chris grinned.
They had talked about sex before. Hell, they’d exchanged anecdotes and been each other’s counselors when something had gone wrong with one of their hookups. Although, he could be disgusting when it came to sharing information, and she rarely got into the gross details. He knew she wasn’t as innocent as she looked and that she liked it rough—she’d said that much—but he wasn’t sure if she just meant some hard pounding, playful pussy and tit slaps, or some really painful BDSM shit. Though, judging by the marks on her neck right now, he had a slight idea.
Is this what Søren meant before when he said “she’d let it all out last night”?If so, thanks for keeping her happy and fulfilled, bud.
“Anyway,” Chris said, “the thing is, I never felt the need to do anything with them. But unlike other men I’ve heard talk about this, I didn’t mind if there was a little contact with the other dude... I don’t know. I just give myself to the moment. It’s sex. It’s supposed to be crude, dirty, and pleasurable… And that’s what I thought it’d be with Marc.”
“But it wasn’t,” Leah noted.
“No.” He heaved a sigh, feeling lighter. “I’ve always thought he was quite attractive for a dude… And well, alcohol kinda disinhibited me.”
“You’re seriously blaming it on the drinks?”
He shook his head. “We’d been drinking the entire day, but by the time we made it to the bus, we were just a little tipsy. Enough for me to get carried away, though. I kissed him. And one thing led to another…” He clenched his jaw. The thought of how he’d practically begged Marc to suck him off, and then kicked his ego when he panicked and ran, hurt more than he’d ever be able to say.
Leah turned to him. “Can I ask you something?” she wondered, propping her cheek on her palm.
