“I don’t care about any of that anymore.” Viktor bit the inside of his cheek. “Sure, I’ve worked like a horse my entire life to be where I am. But… Nothing makes sense at the moment. Everything I do feels soulless if I can’t share that happiness with the ones I love.”
What about me? Am I not one of those who you love?
They stayed silent for a few minutes.
Marc didn’t know what to tell him. He got it, he really did. If something like this happened to his mom… There were few things that tied him to Munich, and some, like the band, could work in the distance. So he’d probably do the same. The difference was that he’d have spoken with Viktor before making any decisions. That was what bothered him the most.
“How long are you planning to stay?” the bassist finally asked. Viktor hadn’t put it into words yet, but it was clear to Marc what he wanted to do.
“I don’t know… I-I booked a one-way flight.”
“What?” Marc frowned, looking at him again. “You did what?”
“Yeah… Sorry. I had been thinking about it for a while, but when my brother called me this afternoon with this, I just—”
“So you’ve been thinking about this for a while, but instead of talking to me about how you were feeling and mentioning you were considering moving hundreds of kilometers away without a return date in mind, you decided for the both of us. Great.” Marc huffed and abruptly stood up, taking a few steps back. His temples palpitated with anger as the exhaustion of this situation set on his shoulders. He hated it when people made one-sided decisions, especially such big ones. Viktor had never done this before. “I also have a family.” He pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the pulsing sensation wrapping around his head. “There are too many things I have to organize before I can follow you, and—”
“I’m going alone.”
Marc froze, and his heart skipped several beats, then shattered.
“I can’t do this to you,” Viktor said, approaching him. “I can’t force you to abandon it all for my family.”
“I thought we were in this together. That my family was yours and vice versa.”
“And it is.” Viktor’s eyes softened on his as he cupped Marc’s neck with both hands and thumbed his jaw. “But you can’t leave. Not when the store is finally doing so well at the new location. It’d be selfish of me to ask you to leave your family, your friends, the band, and every dream you’ve ever had for me.”
“It’s selfish that you won’t let me choose.” Marc released himself from his grip and walked into the kitchen. “After everything we’ve been through… After everything we’ve overcome together, you’re leaving me behind like this?” he said, clenching his fists on the counter as he struggled to get some air into his lungs. Viktor was moving to Ukraine for God knew how long and he didn’t want him by his side. What did that even mean for them?
“Babe, this is not goodbye…” Viktor whispered, a cautious palm on the bassist’s lower back as he stood behind him again. “I don’t think my mom has much time left.” His voice cracked at the end.
“All the more reason for me to go with you.” Marc glared at him, tears already brimming his eyes. “Relationships aren’t only to share the good moments.”
He was angry, hurt, and so many other things, he didn’t know how to put all these emotions into words. Why did he not want him by his side on one of the worst days of his life? They had always had each other’s backs, no matter what.
“I don’t know… But I need to do this alone.”
He was practically begging him with his eyes, but Marc had had enough. As much as he wanted to be there for him, to be patient and understand him, he couldn’t. Not the way he wanted him to—leaving Viktor alone while he stayed behind, oblivious to the pain he was wrestling with and their relationship hanging from a thread.
They’d been more than just a couple from the start. Been together through thick and thin for years; moving to Munich after trying and failing in Berlin first with their art. They had been the energy that made tectonic plates move and volcanoes erupt. Beautiful. Wild. Imperturbable against all odds. And now… Everything was slowly crumbling around them.
This hurt way too much. Rejection. Abandonment. They could all be misplaced emotions, a reflection of selfishness, yet he couldn’t rip them off his chest and pretend he was okay. Not anymore.
“Where are you going?” Viktor asked when Marc strode towards the entrance.
“For a walk,” he responded plainly, grabbing his coat and stepping into his Vans.
He understood not everyone would be as open and honest with their emotions as Marc tried to be, but this was borderline absurd.
“Now? It’s freezing.”
“I don’t care.” The bassist shoved his keys and wallet into the pockets of his jeans. “Don’t wait up,” he said when he checked the time on his phone.10:11 PM. “Not sure when I’ll be back.”
Immature? Probably. Irrational? Kinda. Rude and brat-ish? Absolutely. But Marc needed to breathe and he couldn’t do it here.
“Are you serious?”
“Viktor, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this now.” His tone was softer, but still filled with so much hurt, he was surprised words were still leaving his mouth. “I need to think.”
