Maybe even find the girl who jumped on a train to run away from a life she didn’t want and runtowardthe life she always dreamed of.
So on a day when I have no classes and only a late dinner date client, I lace up my sneakers and leave my apartment. I have no idea where I’m going; I just wantout.I want to explore the city the way nineteen-year-old Scarlett never got to do.
I have no idea where to go first. It’s insane to think I’ve lived here for three years and have never seen the city in its full glory. All that time, I’ve been looking at it from behind the muted and ugly shade of cash. But thankfully, a Hop On Hop Off bus passes me and takes the decision out of my hands. After buying a ticket, I climb on and step unashamedly into the role of tourist for the day.
Iloveit. I love walking around the Museum of Modern Art. I love strolling through Times Square in the daytime and shopping at stores for no reason other than that I want to. I even love taking the elevator 102 floors to the top of the Empire State Building and looking out over the entire city.
Even the bus ride home is fun. Sitting on the open top deck, watching the city flash by, I feel…free.
I feel the way I wish I could’ve made my younger self feel.
The only thing that puts a damper on it is hearing my phone ding with a notification and seeing I have a text from Amara.
Amara: Are you ok if Francesco makes his appointments every week instead of every other week?
Immediately, my stomach roils.
Francesco is one of my least favorite clients. If he didn’t tip so generously, I would’ve dropped him a long time ago. He’s a guy who pops a little blue pill before every appointment because he “needs to get his money’s worth and go for the full sixty minutes.” Because of that, he’s one of my most physically taxing appointments.
Lately, he’s become emotionally taxing as well.
I don’t know if it’s because sex with Nico is so different, but for the past few weeks,allof my sex feels different. I’m just not able to stay as numb as I usually do. And if I’m not numb, thenI feel more of my appointments. I feel shame when I’m put on my knees and sick when I’m bent over. It’s no longer something I can just get through, like I used to.
Now, I feel on the verge of breaking every time I’m penetrated.
Before I can think about it too hard, I type out a text to Amara.
Scarlett: No. Give Francesco to one of the other girls. He tips well, they’ll love him.
Fifteen seconds later, my phone is ringing.
I answer her call with a sigh. “He’ll be fine, Amara, don’t worry. Just make sure he gets a blonde.”
“I knowthat,” she says with a sniff. “I just wanted to make sureyou’reokay. What’s going on? And why does it sound like you’re in a wind tunnel?”
I look around at my view, smiling despite myself. “I’m on one of those double decker buses. I’m touring the city today.”
“Uh…why?”
Her shock is evident, and it makes me huff a laugh. “I just wanted to do something different for a change.”
There’s silence on the line. This is very abnormal behavior for me, and I can tell Amara is itching to ask more questions.
“Okay,” she says slowly. “But you’re good?”
I tilt my head back with a smile, enjoying the sun on my face. “I’m great.”
The sound of papers rustling sounds through the phone. “Okay, so I’ll take Francesco off your schedule. Any other changes I need to make?”
I think she means it as a joke, but at the question, I sit up straight, my smile sliding from my face.
“Yes. Give Phillip and Professor Jenkins to someone else, too.”
That shehasto ask questions about.
“Scarlett, what’s going on?”
“I just… I need a break,” I admit. Maybe it will be more than a break. “I’m tired, Amara. I might need to tailor my schedule a little bit for the next few weeks.”
