ONE
NICO
“It was really nice to meet you. I had a great time tonight.”
I did not have a great time tonight.
Rachel, the girl I connected with on Hinge two weeks ago and met for the first time tonight, smiles at me as I open the Uber door for her. “I hadsucha fun time. Maybe we can do this again next week?”
I sigh internally. I don’t like lying on dates, but it seems like the best option sometimes.
“I might be pretty busy the next few weeks,” I say with an apologetic wince. “I have a fight coming up.”A white lie.“So training unfortunately takes up a lot of my time. I’m sorry.”
When her face falls, I try to lighten the mood with a joke.
“Some days, I swear, I’ll have to retire to have a social life.”
Shockingly, not a lie.
She tries for an understanding smile, but it’s obvious she’s bummed.
Goddamnit, why can’t I fall for a girl like Rachel? She’s sweet, smart, has a good job; our humor isn’t a perfect match, but whose is? She’s exactly the kind of nice girl who any man would be lucky to settle down with.
But I don’t feelanythingfor her.
“Well, good luck on your fight then,” she says sweetly. “Maybe…give me a call when life slows down?”
I force a smile. “I definitely will. Have a good night, Rachel.”
Her gaze dips to my lips for a split second, but I can’t bring myself to kiss her. I already feel empty from our date, and I don’t think I could handle any meaningless affection.
I step back, as if to give her room to get in the car. “Get her home safe, please,” I say to the driver.
I wait until the car is pulling away from the curb to let out a gigantic exhale.
I’ve lost track of how many dates I’ve been on lately that have felt like this. Where I walk away at the end of the night feeling like there’s something wrong with me, becausehow is it possible I don’t feel anything for anyone?
Ironically, even my relationship of five years suffered from this affliction. Every milestone we reached was just because the appropriate amount of time had passed and it made sense as the next step. Making our relationship official, sayingI love you, moving in together, all of it felt…logical. It’s hard to end a relationship when nothing iswrong, per se. But I guess she got tired of us being the equivalent of roommates who have boring sex once a week because, in the end, she’s the one who decided to break up with me.
I should’ve been more upset about it, but the truth is, I felt nothing. Nothing but a little bit of relief that I could start to date again and maybe,finally, find someone who sets my blood on fire.
And yet, even after dozens of dating app dates, blind dates, overpriced matchmaker dates…I still feel room temperature.
I let out another exhale, this one more tired than the last. I should go home and get some sleep. I wasn’t lying to Rachel about training taking up most of my time and energy.
But I also know that if I went home right now, my restless brain would continue spinning and likely keep me up too late.
My feet turn toward the gym before I even make the conscious decision.
It’s a fifteen-minute walk to my MMA gym. Even though it’s almost 9 p.m. on a Friday, there might still be some stragglers on the mats. But even if there isn’t, I’ve had the key to the gym since I was twenty-one when I committed my life to the sport.
A few rounds of bagwork should tire me out enough to shut off my brain.
But when I walk into the gym, I realize right away that I won’t be going straight into a workout. Because my striking coach is standing at the reception desk, phone to his ear and a downright giddy smile on his face.
I lift an eyebrow in a silentwhat’s going on?He hurriedly waves me closer as he says, “Speak of the devil. He just walked in.”
He pushes the button for speaker as I step around the desk and plop down into the office chair. “Alright, you’re on speaker,” he says.
