Like a freaking dragon.
And as suddenly as it started, it faded, and I was shrinking. Un-swelling.
The dizziness was back, too. By the time it was over, I was lying on the grass in the backyard by the lake. Still naked. But less swollen.
Yet, I didn’t care. I felt more like myself. I wasn’t dying. Whatever was happening had ended.
“I’m alive,” I whispered, my voice raw.
The dizziness faded as my breathing evened out. “I’m alive,” I repeated, then sighed in relief.
Letting my head roll to the side, I stared at the lights from the mansion. It seemed a lifetime ago that I’d been in there playing bunco and imagining I was making new friends. And then realized it was all a bunch of garbage.
Now, I just needed to get home. Looking down at myself, my jaw dropped open. And then, I shrieked, tried to cover the girls with one arm and the hoo-ha with the other, but that left my behind exposed. I was naked. On the lawn behind a party. Anyone could come out for some air at any moment and seeall of this. My only choice was not to take the same route I’d used to get here, but the one through the woods, get home and forget about this whole night.
About being drugged, because that was the only thing that made sense. I’d just gone on onehellof an acid trip.
Oh, Lord. I couldn’t think about this now, not until I was home, then I could figure out how this had happened, or even what the hell was going on. I only knew that there was something miserable in that damned tequila. And whatever that something was, it made me strip off all my clothes and hallucinate myself into a dragon.
Somehow, now I had to get home with no one in a two-block radius seeing me letting it all hang out.
When I woke up this morning, there was no way I could’ve predicted this. No way I could’ve guessed I would go full House of Dragon at the Fascinators’ bunco game, with a bunch of ladies who’d never invited me over before.
This day was full of weird, and while this one topped the list of strange, it wasn’t the only one. But damned if I was going to stand in this backyard, naked as the day I was born, and get caught.
Quickly, I made tracks through the woods and prayed I could get inside the house and into my room before Tilly saw me and thought to ask how I went to bunco fully dressed and came home sans clothing. And without my damned cashmere sweater.
CHAPTEREIGHT
Iwas still naked because whatever drugs had made me shred my clothes hadn’t been potent enough to repair them. So, I stayed close to the edge of the trees, and as I ran, I could see inside some of the houses. The Millers were eating pizza at their counter. Dan Walker was using his elliptical in the basement while his wife, Molly, watched Dancing with the Stars upstairs.
Just don’t look outside. Don’t look outside.
I was almost past Bitsy Creegan’s house when a squirrel jumped into my path. I came to an abrupt stop, like Fred Flintstone in the cartoons, my brake pedal slammed. The squirrel ran a circle around me like it was trying to chase me back. But I wasn’t going back. This thing was just going to have to deal with that fact.
Rabid weirdo.
And then, because I was being punished for the last shot of tequila I’d taken at Esther’s, a beaver appeared next to the squirrel. It chased the squirrel that chased me. And I, proud mother of Tilly, formerly-respectable and previously-clothed woman, was still naked in the woods and at leasta blockfrom home.
Oh well, I might not be able to take down a dragon or a bear, but I thought I could get away from these two sick animals. If not, even naked me could punt one, right?
I hoped so.
And with that in mind, I started running.
The beaver and the squirrel matched me stride for stride until finally, I put on a burst of speed when I could see the cottage. Home. My back patio.
I didn’t know where the squirrel went or the beaver, but I ran for the back door, tried to twist the knob, but of course, it was locked. What single woman would leave for a night with her supposed friends and not lock her door? Not me. Certainly, not.
I cursed. Just this once, things could’ve gone my way, but of course, they didn’t.
Clothed me would’ve known what to do. Clothed me would’ve had the confidence to stride around to the front and open the door. But then, clothed me had freaking keys.
Naked me had to figure out how to get into the house without going in the front and giving the Maranski twins fodder for their YouTube channel. I turned and froze. No, no, this couldn’t be happening. I’d officially lost my mind.
Or this night had to be one for the books. First, bad bunco. Then mother of dragons, a terrorist squirrel and beaver, and now Esther and Tabi stood in my yard. Oh, and I was still naked.
For a second, I considered acting as if I couldn’t see them, but then I would look insane. Not that I wasn’t.
