So, I did the only thing I could think of, I headed up into the mountains, driving my truck as far as the road went before getting out and shifting into my bear form. The shift only took a moment as my bones cracked and my larger body took shape. But the second I was in my more natural form, some of the weight of what I’d done fell off my shoulders. I allowed my thoughts to drift a bit as I focused on the sights and scents of nature. Green life. Small animals. Dirt. And water, close by. I breathed it all in, huffing like the old bear I was.
The walk helped me clear my head. Wolves were roaming the woods under the moonlight, too, but they left me alone. Technically this was the edge of their territory, but it had practically become my territory since Thomashad died. It was sort of our spot, so now I’d found myself returning here every time I felt lost.
Growing up, we’d hung out here a lot, learned the limits of our shifting. Ran and fought. Came here after breakups or when our parents were too much for us. It felt like this place was more home sometimes than my quiet cabin. They said home was where the heart was, right? Well, this place was what I associated Thomas with the most. And while it’d hurt too much to visit some of the places Sarah and I had gone together, this place managed to bring me peace instead of pain.
As I broke from the forest, I shifted back into my human form and walked the rest of the way on bare feet. The big red rock stuck out from the rest of the forest, so big the whole pack could have sat here with ease. I walked along the thick stone, listening to the way my feet slapped against it, and how the crickets and other night animals called to one another, not missing a beat, even when I moved among them. When I got to the edge, I could see more woods below me, and the ocean stretching out in front of me. The salty air whispered over my skin, and I shivered as goosebumps erupted along my naked flesh.
“Hey, Thomas,” I said, my voice breaking a little. “I don’t know what I’m doing, man.”
I sighed and wished he was really here. “I met this girl. Well, re-met her. She’s amazing. I never thought I’d find someone like Emma, especially not at our age.” I chuckled sadly. “Myage. But I did. And now I have to get the rest of me sorted out, so if she actually sees something with me too, I’m not too much of a mess to be the kind of man she needs.”
My gaze swung to the place Thomas had always sat, and it was easy to pretend he was really here. Except that he would have bumped my shoulder and told me to not overthink it. To just enjoy Emma. To accept that it was okay that I was moving on and could see a future that wasn’t lonely. But he wouldn’t just say the words, he’d make mebelieve themso deep in my heart that I’d be sure I was on the right path.
That was something the lonely rock couldn’t do for me.
“Emma has changed Mystic Hollow. Or maybe she’s changed me, because I’ve realized I’ve been handling Nathan and the pack all wrong.” I give a sad laugh. “But you already knew that, didn't you? I bet if you could have screamed at me from the afterlife to pull it together, you would have.”
The wind whistled around me in response.
“But, I’m going to do better, I swear I will. Emma’s been getting me back into police business, and I know it’s been good for me. You would’ve told me I retired too early. That I’d be bored, but now I’m realizing it myself. That when you and Sarah died, I wasn’t just trying to keep going until I could be with you. I’m still here, for a reason, and so I actually need to live a bit. Right?” I turned to where he always sat.
And I nearly fell off the rock. “Thomas!” I exclaimed. He was sitting there, looking at me with the world’s saddest expression on his face. “How?”
I blinked, taking him in. It was him. Exactly the way I remembered him. Same gray eyes as Nathan, same light brown hair and sharp lines to his face. Except, that he was bigger than his son. The only wolf to be nearly as big as me. And he was sitting next to me, glowing softly, a little transparent, but him.
It wasn’t possible. Was it? I mean, I knew ghosts existed, but Thomas had been gone for a long time. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to suddenly come back here. Would there?
I leaned forward and peered at him more closely, my voice wavering. “Thomas?”
His sad expression deepened, and my heart raced. If I accepted he was a ghost sitting with me now, I also needed to accept that he was here for a reason. And ghosts only crossed to the land of the living if it was important.
“Aren’t you at peace?” I asked, my heart twisting at the thought that he hadn’t achieved the peace I’d imagined in the afterlife.
After a second, he shook his head. Thomas opened his mouth, his lips moving but nothing coming out for several long seconds before his brows drew together and his shoulders slumped.
“Are you trying to tell me something?” I asked.
Thomas nodded enthusiastically.
“What is it?”
He moved his lips again, but nothing came out. If he was making any sounds in his realm, wherever he was, I couldn’t hear them. And it made a growl tear from my throat. My best friend came all this way to tell me something, and I couldn’t even hear him. How was that fair? How was any of this okay? Wasn't it enough that he’d died so early and so tragically? A car wreck, when he had a young son and at the same time as my Sarah’s accident. It had been a horrible time of my life.
His face reflected the frustration I felt, and he reached out as if to touch my shoulder, but his hand went through me. In his face, I saw that there was something he desperately wanted to tell me. The sensation was so powerful that I felt the temperature around me drop and goosebumps erupted along my naked flesh.
“You need to tell me something important, but you can’t. Or I can’t understand you. Right?”
He nodded, and his eyes spoke volumes, that this was not something to be forgotten, and then he just faded away.
“Thomas!” I yelled and waved my hands around the area he’d just been moments before.
He’d been sad, upset, and definitely trying to tell me something. How could I get him back? “Thomas?” I whispered.
But he didn’t return.
My thoughts spun. What could I do? How could I figure out what he wanted to say and give him peace? Was that even possible when he wasn’t able to communicate his message?
I released a slow breath. I guess the best I could do is try to assume what he was trying to tell me. Maybe that would be enough for now.
