He nodded. “Yeah. That’s one thing you’ve always made clear.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “When… when we lost him, I struggled in my own way too.”
“You didn’t seem to,” he said, and there was no malice in his voice.
“Losing Sarah and him broke me,” I told him honestly. “But I didn’t want to stay broken forever, so I had to force myself to make good choices. It was really, really hard at first. Remember to eat. Remember to sleep. Exercise. Smile. Talk to someone. It felt like things that were easy for other people were horribly difficult for me. But with time, it got easier. Until finally, I started to feel normal again.”
“Did,” he froze, looked spooked for a second, then pressed on, “did the pain ever go away?”
I opened my mouth to say the same thing I told others when they asked, but I stopped, then spoke the truth. “Not completely. It’s like there are a couple doors in my heart where those rooms of pain are, but they keep getting smaller, and I’m getting other rooms in my heart, ones that aren’t filled with pain.”
He rubbed his chest. “I hope I feel that way sometime.”
“You will,” I promise, “but it takes work. People say it just takes time, but they’re wrong, there’s work too.”
“I can work,” he said, softly.
“I know you can.”
He looked at his hands. “When my uncle became my guardian, I wanted it to be you instead.”
Damn it. I’d never told the kid, because I figured as a young teenager who had lost his parents, it was already too much for him, but now I saw my chance to clear some things up. “I was a mess, but I still fought for your guardianship. Your dad had made it clear to me, he wanted me to raise you if anything happened, but your uncle went the legal route. And he didn’t want me anywhere near you. I did my best, but… I didn’t want to be cut off completely from the pack.”
He pulled his knees to his chest, looking so young. “I know you think I’m the reason the pack has nothing, but he left me almost nothing to work with. All he did was drink and spend the pack money. As soon as I turned eighteen, I kicked him out. Not that he minded. The money was gone, and he liked being a rogue wolf.”
I knew the guy was drinking a lot and not adding to the pack, but I didn’t know it was that bad. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “Probably the same reason you didn’t tell me that you fought for me. There was nothing either of us could do about it.”
I hated that he was right. It would’ve taken a lot of proof to convince a court that a grieving widower with no familial ties to Nathan was a better guardian than his uncle. Even if I could convince them that his drunken uncle wasn’t a safe choice, Nathan probably would have just been sent into foster care, split up from his pack, and that would have been the worst thing I could have done to him.
He gave a little nod and looked at me again. “If you don’t mind, could we have dinner one night soon? Talk about the direction of my pack?”
Don’t be too eager!
Slowly, I stood and held out my hand to the boy. “I’d like that. I’ll text you and make steaks and potatoes.”
He grinned and took my hand. “I always loved your cooking.” I was the only shifter Thomas really let Nathan around. A mistake, in retrospect.
I helped him to his feet. And I must be a glutton for punishment, but I actually thought there was a new light in his eyes. “I can teach you. If you want.”
“I’d like that. The pack is getting pretty tired of fast food,” he grinned, released my hand, and turned to head back to his truck.
So much potential...
As he walked away, one worry lifted off of my heart and I hoped fervently that his father had heard it all. “I miss you buddy,” I muttered as I headed back to my house.
When I opened my front door, it hit me. The musty smell of a goblin. He must have done something to mask his scent until this moment, which was concerning. Instantly on my guard, I almost shifted, but a man walked out of my kitchen holding a sandwich. What the hell?
“Don't shift,” he said. Not a man. A goblin. He let his true face flash at me. Beneath an average face, with brown hair, brown eyes, and thick cheeks, was a green face. No hair, no brows, and a narrow nose and beady dark eyes.
“What do you want?” I asked guardedly, my bear growling within me. A younger me would have killed this creature for so brazenly entering my home and my territory, but the older me hesitated. I’d only heard of a goblin visiting a shifter in stories and it was supposedly many, many years ago.
“I have information that you need.”
“There’s something called a phone…” I growled.
He stiffened. “Calm, shifter. I’m here to help, and this could only be done in person. If I’m wrong, you can tear me to pieces.”
