I snapped my fingers in his face. "I'm going upstairs to get my stuff, Weirdo. Grab the guns out of the hiding spot behind the mirror, would you?” I waved vaguely toward the closet behind the front door. “There's a duffel in the coat closet.”
I paused on the stairs to make sure he knew where to find it. He should’ve, he helped me install the mirror case. It was cool—we carved out a hole in the wall behind a large mirror. There was a hidden latch attached to the side of the mirror frame. I pretended I was a spy every time I opened it. Michael would’ve loved it.
I grabbed a large bag out of my bathroom closet and shoved pajamas and workout clothes into it. The next two days, Sunday and Monday, were my normal off days. I made a mental checklist.Toothbrush, hairbrush, deodorant. Don't need makeup around Eli. I’ll not be acting on any urges. I won't even take a razor with me, so I'll be even less tempted to further complicate my already ridiculous life. Stubble and sex don’t mix.
Eli was waiting with my shoulder and bra holster, as well as a light jacket to wear over them. I was more confident when armed to the teeth. The ankle holster seemed like overkill, so I skipped it, and I was already wearing the one at my waist.
Another dull throb of pain slashed from temple to temple as I closed and locked the front door behind us. Elias touched my elbow. "Give me the bags. I'm still a Southern gentleman, even for the independent Riley Effler."
"You're lucky my head hurts, Elias. I don't have the energy to argue."
Elias stopped in his tracks. "Did it hurt when you were inside?"
"Oddly enough, no.” What in the world was going on with my crazy brain?
"Let’s get you out of here. I think you may be right about the allergen thing since you were okay inside. Maybe it hurt the other day because Anthony walked through a certain grass or flower before he came inside. Who knows?"
Elias rushed me by putting a hand at the small of my back. It was somewhere between the realms of gentlemanly and chauvinistic, and it hit me like delicious lightning.Calm your lady bits. He’s not for you.
"I want you to stay at least until you have to return to work. Maybe it’ll rain and wash away whatever is aggravating you," Elias murmured as he opened the truck door for me.
"Thank you. I appreciate it more than you realize, but I want you to know that I'm only agreeing because you have absolutely nothing else in your life to entertain you." Elias threw his head back and laughed. "I'm serious! I know exactly what you'll do tomorrow if I'm gone. Two hours in the gym and the rest of the day playing some video game or another."
He smirked before walking around the truck and hopping in the driver’s side. "Well, we aren't lazing around tomorrow. I'm taking you to the mountains." I gave him wide eyes. I didn't know if I was up for all that.
"I'm scared. I'm tired. I’m feeling a fresh wave of missing Michael, and the boys…" I faded off, remembering my breakdown. "I actually said their names this morning."
"That's fantastic! How long has it been since you said their names out loud?" Elias grabbed my knee again, causing me to jump and shiver. We pulled out onto the road, headed for his house.
"I stopped around six months after they disappeared. I’d open my mouth, and their names just wouldn't come out." I leaned forward and put my head on my knees, a feat I wasn't able to do a couple of years before. The constant desire to work myself into exhaustion helped get rid of my gut, and I'd become much more flexible.
"I broke down after Anthony left today, and I talked to them. It was almost like they could hear me. I think I'm starting to think of them as angels." Tears started running down my cheeks again, absorbing into my jeans. "How many times in one day can I cry? I'm going to get dehydrated." I tried to joke to relieve the tension.
Eli moved his hand from my knee to the curve of my neck. He squeezed and kneaded my shoulders. His hands were so large he was able to rub both sides of my neck—in a truck traveling thirty miles an hour down the road—and make it feel like I was getting a professional massage.
I began to feel uncomfortable with the touching. Guilt ruined my ability to enjoy myself even a little bit. I sat up so Eli would remove his hand. "I want to sleep. That's all I can think about." We turned into his driveway.
"Whatever you want." The truck idled while Elias waited for his garage door to open. As soon as we stopped inside the garage, I jumped out with my bags. I needed space and lots of it.
"I'm going to make myself at home, E!" I called as I ran for the door to the kitchen. I'd been in his house countless times over the years. Eli had a home gym, and we’d used it until we’d found a twenty-four-hour gym. I was almost as comfortable in his house as I was in my own.
I grabbed a wine glass and a bottle of white from the fridge and ran upstairs to the massive guest bathroom. I was supremely jealous of his house. Michael and I never made enough money to move out of the rental house. I soaked in the borderline opulence of Eli's house, and couldn't help but think that I’d happily live in a hovel if I could have my family with me.
The enormous tub filled with bubbly water while I filled my glass.Wine doesn't count. It's not like whiskey. I’ll have a glass or two to make me a little fuzzy, so I sleep without nightmares.I could justify the alcohol if it meant no nightmares. The thought of waking Eli up with one of my screaming night terrors made me groan.
My aching, tired muscles relaxed as I sank into the too-hot water. Michael had always teased me about the temperature of my baths. I'd been known to scald my skin before he turned the water heater temperature down when we brought David home from the hospital. He’d been so careful with the kids. The house was baby proofed within a week of telling him the news of our first pregnancy.
I imagined that day—thanks to the need to do my daily ritual of dredging up memories of my family—but every time I imagined Michael's face, it was cut off and Anthony floated into my mind. His unusual eye color haunted me. I tried to mentally shake him off, only to have the feel of Elias's hand on my knee intrude on my cherished memory of Michael.
"Why can’t I remember?!" I jerked up out of the bath and grabbed the wine bottle. I eyeballed the wine glass. "What is going on?" Setting the glass on the edge of the tub, I tipped the bottle up and greedily chugged.Make it go away.I wanted peace.
I chugged until I needed to breathe, then sipped as the water cooled around me. I splashed and hummed, letting the buzz take effect. The bottle emptied far too easily, and my body was covered in goosebumps. I giggled and ran my fingers along the tiny bumps. Sighing, I placed the empty wine bottle on the side of the tub so I could stand up.
Unfortunately, I forgot the wine glass was already there, and it hit the bathroom floor with a crash. A string of curse words came out of my mouth, at a rather loud volume while I struggled to haul myself out of the tub.
"Riley! What’s going on in there?" The sound of a fist banging on the bathroom door filled the room.
Uh-oh, busted."Nothing." I giggled. "I'm okay!" I stepped wobbly out of the tub and immediately stepped on a piece of glass. "OW! Ow, ow, ow!"
