“All I need is a docile mount with good manners so I can relearn everything I’ve forgotten,” she assured him. “I don’t want to ruin my new riding habit by being thrown immediately!”
“It will all come back quickly. You were a natural rider. I was always impressed by the way you could charm a horse into doing your bidding. A horse witch.”
“I did then.” She shrugged and began to plait her hair into one long braid. She had the haunting beauty of a sorrowing Madonna. “Now, well, we’ll see.”
“You look a little sad, milady,” he said softly.
After a long silence, she said, “A little, perhaps. Life’s milestones call to mind other milestones, and the older we get, the more of them we’ve passed.” Her gaze touched his and held. “I’m happy to be married to you, though, so this is a good milestone.”
“It’s one of the best milestones ever,” he said honestly.
Smiling, she tied off her braid with a thin ribbon, then covered a yawn with one hand. “Weddings take energy to prepare and perform. I’m ready to sleep.”
“In the morning, we can fulfill one of my marital fantasies, sharing breakfast together.” He stood and offered his hand to help her from her chair. “I know you’ll look lovely across the table.”
“Don’t be too sure!” She didn’t need his help to stand, but he enjoyed the warm clasp of her fingers. She released his hand to smother another yawn, then moved through the door to her bedchamber. “Sleep well, milord.”
Since Simon wasn’t yet ready to retire, he poured Suzanne’s unfinished wine into his own glass, enjoying the intimacy of finishing his wife’s wine. Very domestic, and besides, the wine was too good to waste.
But as he sipped the claret, he felt a little melancholy. He’d emptied the glass before he realized why. Though he was delighted that Suzanne was now his wife, he realized he wanted more closeness. More touching. He would have liked to give her a long hug before she retired. He would like to feel her soft body pressed against him, relaxed and content.
But their relationship was too new and he didn’t know how much touching she would permit. She didn’t mind taking his arm or similar casual contacts, but he wasn’t sure she would accept more than that.
Intuition said that he must go slowly with Suzanne. He wasn’t sure a man could truly understand what she’d endured in the harem, but he couldn’t forget what she’d said when they’d first met:“My survival depended on being a whore and pretending to enjoy it.”
He had accepted her stipulations because he desperately wanted her companionship. Their marriage was based on an agreement that her body was her own.
And yet, he wanted more.
He heard her moving around her bedchamber as she prepared to retire. He imagined her removing her robe. It was still winter so she’d be wearing a warm nightgown underneath. There was a faint rattle as she put a scoop of coal on the fire. Then the light went out and there was silence. He pictured her sliding between the sheets and pulling the covers over herself.
He hoped she rested well and woke up without that sadness. She might be feeling some of the same kind of melancholy he felt. Marriage was the goal of courtship, but it was also the beginning of a journey together, one he hoped would last the rest of their lives. Perhaps tomorrow they could discuss touching and how much she was willing to accept.
He propped his feet on the footstool and let his thoughts wander over his childhood in this house. His loving parents, his beloved foster brother, Lucas, a world of possibilities, now gone.
Then he consciously released that past. He would never forget it, but now he was starting a new phase of life. It was time to look forward, not back.
As an adult, he’d discovered new possibilities he’d never imagined as a boy. He’d done good work in dark and dangerous places, and now he’d married a woman who had stirred his heart when he was a boy. Neither of them were what they once had been, but they’d both become wiser and stronger, and in time they would surely become closer. They’d been married only a few hours, after all.
Smiling at his absurdity, he decided it was time to retire. He was banking the fire when he heard raw, wrenching sounds coming from Suzanne’s room. He stood still, wondering if he was imagining them.
No, the sounds of anguish were unmistakable. He opened the door to her room, wondering if she was having a nightmare. “Suzanne?” he said softly.
She was turned away from him, trying to smother her sobs in her pillow. At the sound of his voice, she curled up more tightly, as if that would make her invisible.
“My darling girl!” He crossed the room and lay beside her on top of the covers. Though he didn’t know how much touch she was willing to accept, he could not turn away without trying to offer comfort.
Lying on his side, he wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her against his chest. She was warm and soft under the covers, and she didn’t try to twist away. He drew a deep breath and forced his voice to be steady. “If you are so disturbed by this marriage, we can—end it. Get an annulment since it hasn’t been consummated.”
He steeled himself for her to say she wanted that, but she shook her head and rolled onto her back so that she was looking up at him. In the dim light coming through the door from the sitting room, her face was blotchy with tears. He felt a rush of tenderness so powerful it hurt.
“No,” she said in a husky whisper. “I don’t want that. You may be the best thing that ever happened to me. But today made me think of my first wedding.”
Some of his pain eased, but he ached for her. “I suppose that was inevitable. You were so joyful that day. So beautiful and so in love with Jean-Louis. To see you was to believe in the power of love. I know that you can’t love me as you did him, but—”
“And thank God for that!” she said with bitter fury. “I loved him with the stupidity of the tragically young and naive. I was flattered that such a handsome man of the world had chosen me for his bride. He said that he loved me, and Ibelievedhim!” She drew a wrenching breath. “I hope to God that I’ll never be as stupid again!”
Jarred, Simon asked, “Did he mistreat you?”
