She drew a shaky breath and turned to Kirkland. “Surely you have enough spies that you don’t need Simon’s help in this.”
“I have some informants among the émigrés,” Kirkland admitted, “but none are well placed enough to be useful in this matter. Colonel Duval has rank and experience of intelligence gathering. As his wife, you would be accepted also if you accompany him.”
“I have no desire to be accepted by those people!” she snapped, going rigid as she remembered the humiliation and pain she’d experienced when she’d expected to be welcomed and comforted by her countrymen.
“That’s understandable,” he agreed, his expression sympathetic. “But wouldn’t there be some satisfaction in returning to those circles as a countess with a heroic husband on your arm?”
Simon said sharply, “Suzanne might not be ready to make this decision, and I will not allow her to be coerced!”
“Nor do I wish to coerce her,” Kirkland said seriously. “But you both know as well as I what horrors will be unleashed if Napoleon returns to his throne. There may not be any vital information to be found among the émigrés, but there might be something that would save lives.”
“The hell of intelligence work is that one never knows if the information gathered will be useful,” Simon said tartly.
“Sometimes it isn’t, yet other times it spells the difference between triumph and disaster,” Kirkland agreed. “You saved San Gabriel and its people from a bloody invasion. I’d say the work you did there made up for any number of dead ends.”
As Simon nodded reluctantly, Kirkland turned to Suzanne. “Madame Duval, marriage is a grave step to take and the business of no one but you and Colonel Duval. Such a decision is not to be rushed, but collecting information is a separate issue. If you’re willing to work with the colonel, an actual marriage isn’t necessary.”
Her brows arched. “A false marriage? No, thank you! I’ve spent too much of my life living lies.”
“Our marriage could be real,” Simon said quietly. “But only if you wish it.”
She studied his strong, familiar features, drawn to him and the life of ease he was offering her. She wanted the women she’d met tonight to become her friends, and as a practical Frenchwoman, she wanted the security and comfort that Simon could provide.
Was that enough for marriage when the thought of putting herself into a man’s power again terrified her? Though her mind said “Accept,” the wounded girl deep inside wanted to burrow back into anonymous poverty.
There was only one way to reconcile these impulses. Choosing her words carefully, she said, “It is time we discussed your proposal in greater detail.”
Simon’s eyes lit up. “Indeed we should. Kirkland, will you mind dreadfully if I ask you to leave?”
The other man chuckled. “Not at all. Take as long as you wish. I hope you’ll join us later with good news.” He crossed the room and closed the door quietly behind him.
When they were alone, Suzanne said wryly, “Have you noticed that happily married couples encourage everyone to join them in that estate?”
“Yes, while unhappily married persons urge flight. What we must decide is which best suits us,” he said.
“Most betrothed couples yearn to share a bed. That isn’t what we’ll be doing.” Her gaze searched his face, trying to look beneath his calm. “Are you sure this is what you want, Simon? As the melancholy of war fades, you may regret contracting a passionless marriage. You are buying the cow but will receive no milk.”
“A cow?” He laughed out loud. “I see myself marrying a lovely, intelligent woman of the world whose company I have always enjoyed. Even in the most passionate marriages, people don’t spend all their time in bed. They’d starve if that was the case.”
“Friendship is powerful, but I think most of the advantages of our marriage would go to me,” she said seriously. “What would you receive in return?”
“Companionship,” Simon said immediately. “A woman I can laugh with, or discuss the issues of the day, or take to the theater. Someone I’ll enjoy seeing at the breakfast table. A wife who will care whether or not I come home.” He hesitated, then continued, “Someone to cherish. To give purpose to my life.”
She frowned. “I can be your companion, but I can’t promise to be your salvation.”
“Companionship is enough. Anything more will be a bonus. You have your doubts, understandably. Is it me, the fact that this is so sudden, or the idea of marriage itself that you object to?”
“It isn’t you. We are old friends and I don’t think you will turn into a monster. My head says to accept because I won’t get such a good offer again. But this is happening so suddenly.” She swallowed hard, knowing she must be honest with him if there was to be any chance of their building a lasting relationship. “And I do fear marriage. With anyone.”
“I’m grateful that you don’t think I’ll become a monster,” he said with wry humor. “The practical advantages of this marriage are obvious, but emotions run much more deeply. Do you understand the source of your fears?”
When had she known a man who wanted to understand her mind and emotions? Never. “I went from child to wife to harem slave,” she said bluntly. “The thought of putting myself in a man’s power again terrifies me.”
She waited for him to become affronted, but instead he said, “That is entirely understandable. There are times I’ve been in the power of others and I’ve hated it, and those situations were surely less threatening than what you’ve endured.” He cocked his head to one side as he thought. “Is there anything that might help allay your fears?”
“Money is protection against many of the world’s ills,” she said diffidently. “You said you would settle an income on me. How much would that be?”
His brows drew together as he thought. “A thousand pounds a year? You won’t be able to live in the grand style you knew in France, but it’s enough for comfort.”
