She’d always had a deep aversion to coercion. “No,” he replied. “Those are two separate issues.”
She tilted her head to one side. “Then why did you make that offer to people who are virtually strangers?”
“You mean what’s in it for me?” He mirrored her stance by leaning against the door frame with crossed arms, but in a much more relaxed fashion. “I can afford to help them get established in England, so why not? They’re good people and they deserve a chance to build the lives that they want. Plus, you care about them and they care about you.” He avoided using the words “love” or “family” since he suspected they were both fraught at the moment.
“I thought of them as family,” she said in a tight voice. “Yet I didn’t know that Josh and Sarah had a son and another whole family here in the United States. Why didn’t they tell me?”
The pain in her face was the reason he was glad he’d lost any ability to love. Exiled from her birth family, Callie had created a new family of her own, and now she was finding that she was more of an outsider than she’d realized.
Choosing his words carefully, he said, “They were slaves, Callie. You always saw them as people who mattered and you freed them legally, but most of their lives were shaped by slavery. As a matter of survival, slaves learn to be very careful of what they say. That self-protection becomes an essential habit.”
“But they’ve been free for three years, since we came to America,” she said plaintively. “Didn’t they know I would have helped them visit their son and his family?”
He frowned, trying to come up with an explanation that would make sense to both of them. “When you came to Washington, you were the master. Yougavethem their freedom, you provided their home and their work and their money. You were their beloved friend, but you also held the power. It was second nature for them not to tell you more than was necessary.”
“And coming to Baltimore broke that pattern,” she said slowly. “That makes sense. The world has turned upside down, the children aren’t really children anymore, and their grandparents are coming into their own as independent individuals.” She smiled ruefully. “I think I understand, but change hurts.”
Despite the pain in her eyes, she was adjusting surprisingly well. A lot of women would be weeping with devastation. “They are all becoming butterflies, free to soar,” he said encouragingly. “That’s good.”
“Yes, and they’re flying away from me,” she said wryly.
“That’s what usually happens with children even under normal conditions.”
“And my life hasn’t been normal.” She sighed. “I unconsciously assumed that we would continue on as we have the last three years, living together as a family. But now I realize that was inherently a temporary situation.” She swallowed hard. “Because I was happy, I didn’t look far enough into the future. Now I am looking, and I have no idea what is there.”
“You’re already a butterfly. Choose your flower!” he said lightly. “But don’t survey a whole meadow full of flowers all at once. It’s too confusing.”
She smiled. “It’s a good metaphor, but I’m not sure how far it can be pushed.”
“All right, start with this. Take away considerations of family and think about where you would like to live. Here? Go back to Washington? England?” He held his breath, wondering what she would reply.
Her forehead furrowed. “There is much I love about America, but my roots are still in England. That’s what I would choose if life was simple.” She smiled humorlessly. “I thought my family was here, but now I must rethink that.”
“The core of your relationship to the Adamses hasn’t changed,” he said gently. “You love them and they love you. Soon you will no longer share your lives in the same way as in the past. But you will still be dear and much loved friends.”
“Not family, though. Blood matters.” She bit her lip. “Maybe I should return to England. Learn what relative of mine cared enough to send you. Perhaps start a dressmaking business in a place like Bath. If I can sell the property in Washington, I’ll have enough money to set up a shop and cover my costs until I get back on my feet.”
“That would work well.” He paused a beat, then said, “Or you could marry me.”
Chapter 17
Callie studied Richard where he leaned against the door frame, looking like a lounging lion. Too handsome to be real. Richard, both friend and stranger. “If you say that often enough, I might start to believe you and accept. Then you’d be stuck with me.”
He smiled. “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t prepared to accept the consequences.”
Needing to know, she asked, “Why me, Richard? With your looks and birth and a comfortable fortune, you can easily find a wife if you want a family.”
“Yes, but that would be so much work,” he said promptly.
She grinned. “So I’m easiest? But I’m not an easy woman, and I won’t accept an easy answer. You can do better than that.”
His levity vanished. “I’m ready for a change, Callie. I’ve never met any other woman I’d want to marry, but I’ve seen marriages I envy. Couples who truly enjoy each other’s company and who are completely loyal to each other. I’d like that too.”
“And I’m here and you know my flaws, so you wouldn’t have to put much effort into getting acquainted?” she said dryly.
“Exactly. We were best friends once and I think we could rub along comfortably.”
“That is the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard of,” she said with a half smile.
