He glanced over and saw tears trembling in her eyes. “It must be hard to leave one’s home,” he said quietly, “but you can come back wheneveryouwish.”
“Yes.” She drew an unsteady breath. “Still, it hurts knowing that I am no longer an American. Though I understood that marrying a foreigner meant that I would lose my citizenship, I didn’t expect to feel itsomuch.”
“The law might say that you are now an Englishwoman, but it can’t change what you are in your heart. America made you, and nothing can takethataway.”
After a long pause, she said in a low voice, “Thank you. I needed to be remindedofthat.”
Thinking the time was finally right, he put an arm around her waist. For the barest instant, she was pliantly yielding. Then she went rigid, like a small woodland creature holding still in the desperate hope that it would escape a predator’snotice.
He turned her toward him and pulled her close, stroking her back in the hope that she would relax, but he was unsuccessful. Though she submitted without protest, her body remained as stiff as a marblestatue.
Shyness or nerves were to be expected, but her reaction seemed extreme. He put his hands on her shoulders and held her away from him. “Sunny, are you afraidofme?”
“Not...not of you, really,” she said, her eyescastdown.
It wasn’t a heartening answer for an eager bridegroom. Patiently he said, “Then are you afraid of... maritalintimacy?”
“It’s more than that, Justin. I don’t know quite how to explain.” She pressed her hands to her temples for a moment, then looked into his eyes for the first time in days. “I was raised to be a wife. In the whole of my life, there was never any thought that I would ever be anything else.” She swallowed hard. “Only now, when it’s too late, does it occur to me that I don’t really want to be married toanyone.”
Though she claimed that he was not the problem, it was hard not to take her comments personally. Feeling a chill deep inside, he lowered his hands and said carefully, “What do you want me to do? Set you up in a separate establishment so that you never have to see me? File for an annulment on the grounds that your mother coerced you into marriage againstyourwill?”
She looked shocked. “Of course not! I pledged my word today, and that can’t be undone. I will do my best to be a good wife to you—but I don’t know if I willsucceed.”
Some of the pain in his chest eased. As long as they were together, there was hope for building a lovingmarriage.
Though he had been counting the hours until they could be together, he said, “We needn’t share a bed tonight, when you’re so tired. It might be better to wait a few days until you’re more at easewithme.”
She hesitated, clearly tempted, before she shook her head. “I think it will be best to get it over with. Waiting will only give me more time toworry.”
He wanted to make love to his wife, and she wanted to “get it over with,” like a tooth extraction. Dear God, this was not what he had dreamed of! Yet perhaps she was right. Once she learned that intercourse was not as bad as she feared, she could relax and find pleasure in physicalintimacy.
Yet he could not quite suppress the fear that his wife might never come to welcome his touch. He had been concerned ever since Augusta had ordered him to try to control his beastly animal nature. Obviously Augusta had loathed her own marital duties, and there was a strong possibility that she had passed her distaste on to herdaughter.
His mouth tightened. Brooding would solve nothing. If his wife wanted the marriage consummated tonight, he would oblige. Partly because it might be the wisest course, but more because he wanted her with an intensity that waspainful.
“Come then, my dear.” He untied the ribbons of her negligee and pushed it from her shoulders so that she was clad only in a sheer silk nightgown that revealed more of her tantalizing curves than it concealed. He drew a shaky breath. It was how he had dreamed of her—and at the same time, it was utterly wrong, for she looked at him with the despairing eyes of awoundeddoe.
She colored under his hungry gaze and glanced away. “Could you... would you turn thelampsout?”
Though he yearned to see her unclothed, he said, “Asyouwish.”
As he put out the lights, she drew the curtains so that the windows were covered and the room became suffocatingly dark. Then she climbed into the bed with a faint creak ofsprings.
After removing his robe, he located the bed by touch and slid in beside her. He would have liked to take his nightshirt off, as well, but a man’s naked body might upset her more, even in the dark and underblankets.
He drew her into his arms and kissed her with all the tenderness he had been yearning to lavish on her. Though she did not reject him, her mouth was locked shut and her whole frame was tense and unyielding. No amount of patient skill on his part could soften her. In fact, his feather kisses and gentle stroking seemed to make her more rigid. He felt as if he was trying to ravish a vestalvirgin.
Despairing, he pushed himself up with one arm and said hoarsely, “This isn’tright.”
“Please, just do it,” she said, an edge of hysteria in hervoice.
His better nature surrendered, for despite his doubts, his body was hotly ready, burning for completion. He reached for the lotion he had provided to ease this firstunion.
She gasped when he raised the hem of her gown, separated her legs and touched her intimately. He hoped that she might respond positively to his sensual application of the lotion, but there was no change. She simply endured, her limbs like iron, her breath coming in short, frightenedgulps.
Though his blood pounded in his temples, he forced himself to go slowly when he moved to possess her. Her body resisted and he heard the scratch of her nails digging into the sheets, but she made noprotest.
When the frail membrane sundered and he thrust deeply into her, she gave a sharp, pain-filled cry. He held still, waves of exquisite sensation sweeping through him, until her breathing was lessragged.
