Past the Italian restaurant with the red-checkered tablecloths where Shane had taken me on our first real date.
‘I've never brought anyone here before.’
He'd told me that it was his parents' place, the restaurant where love looked right to him. He'd given me something he'd never given anyone else, and I'd repaid him by slamming a door in his face.
I parked somewhere. I didn't even register where. Just sat in my car, hands on the steering wheel, staring at nothing.
I thought about David. How he left when Zoe was five. How he said I was too much work, too tired, too not-what-he-signed-up-for. How I spent years believing him.
I thought about my parents. How they looked at my pregnant belly like it was a disease. How they never quite forgave me for not being the daughter they wanted.
I thought about every wall I'd built. Every time I'd pushed someone away before they could leave. Every relationship I sabotaged because it was easier to control the ending than risk being abandoned.
David left because staying was hard. My parents chose disappointment over their daughter. Every person who should have fought for me had decided I wasn't worth the effort.
So I'd learned to leave first. Strike before you get struck. Close the door before someone else can.
And then I thought about Shane.
Shane, who showed up with takeout and no expectations. Who fixed my sink and didn't ask for anything in return. Who danced badly with my daughter and looked at me like I was the only person in the room.
Shane, who ran into a burning building because I was inside. Without knowing if I'd ever speak to him again.
Shane, who deleted his social media and quit the calendar, because he wanted to be different.
Brian was right. That wasn't nothing. That was a man dismantling his entire public identity because he didn't want to be that person anymore. That was someone choosing to change, not for applause or reward, but because it was the right thing to do.
I'd spent thirteen years waiting for people to leave. Bracing for it. Building walls so high I couldn't see over them anymore.
And the one time I left first, he proved me wrong.
CHAPTER 20
Shane
It’s beenfive weeks since Maya ended things between us.
Four weeks since the fire.
I hadn’t slept since then. I’d lie there staring at the ceiling, replaying the moment she closed the door.
The look on her face. The way she flinched when I reached for her.
She thought I was just like everyone else who’d failed her. Another man who'd let her down.
I couldn’t fix that. I couldn’t force her to trust me. Couldn’t undo the damage that the photo and the article had done.
But I could tell her the truth.
Not to change her mind. Maybe nothing would change her mind. But she'd spent her whole life believing people who cared for her could just leave.
I wasn't going to be another name on that list.
She deserved to know the truth about that night. She deserved to know that I'd told Natalie I was with someone. That I'd meant it. That I'd walked away from a woman who was offering exactly what the old Shane would have taken, but alsothat old Shane didn't exist anymore. Not since she walked into my life.
That she was worth the effort.
Worth showing up for, even when she made it clear she didn’t want me to. That she was worth one more knock on a door that might not open.
