I give her an encouraging smile. “I’m all ears.”
She turns to face me. First, she bites her lip, then she opens her mouth and nothing comes out. I stay silent, giving her all the time she needs. It takes her a minute, then she finds the courage to tell me what’s on her mind.
“I’m not afraid of you. I like you a lot. Maybe too much. I thought it was because we had a bond from the time you carried me out of that hangar. It bothered me at first. My head was going back and forth about whether it was healthy for me and if it was fair to you. I’ve thought deeply about us, and that’s not what this is.” She waves her hand between the two of us. “We’re so different, and that worries me, but then I see all the things we both value, like family and friends, respect and trust. That’s really important to me, and I know it is to you too, especially after tonight, and seeing how you are with the people you care about.”
She pauses, obviously having more to say, but hesitant to continue.
“Let it out, babe. We’ll only work if we’re honest with each other,” I urge.
“When I was taken, those men said things to me that are stuck in my head. I’m not over it.” Remmi lowers her lids and looks down at her hands clasped in her lap.
“What did they say?” I ask.
“After a few days with the kidnappers, I became resigned to the fact that I wouldn’t make it out of there alive. But what was worse was how they threatened my father with what they would do to me if he didn’t cooperate. He suffered so much because of that. That was worse than being physically assaulted. Poor Dad, he was beside himself.” She takes a breath. “I didn’t even care that I would die. But when they touched me…” A shudder runs through her, and her voice trails off. She drops her head, covering her face with her hands.
Keeping my anger under control is difficult, but Remmi’s needs come first. I reach out to lift her chin so her eyes meet mine. “You’re stronger than you think, baby. I hate that you had to endure any of that. I live with the regret that we couldn’t get there sooner. But we can’t change the past, and dwelling on it, reliving it in our minds, only keeps us stuck. I want to move past this part of our lives, with you by my side. You’ve come so far, and I’m so proud of you.”
“I’m broken,” she whispers.
“Not broken,” I insist. “And even if that were right, we’re all a little broken. I’ve been through enough shit to know that the experiences we’ve had shape us and teach us. I’ve seen enough to make me wary of people. My circle of trust is small but powerful. I believe in you, baby.”
“You do?” She raises her brows.
“Yeah.” I chuckle. “You could have lived behind an iron gate with guards at every door, but you came home.”
“Because I knew you’d be here.”
“You couldn’t have known that.”
“I might be crazy, but I felt you near me,” she confesses.
“I was watching. No way I was going to let anyone hurt you again.” Remmi shimmies closer, and I ease her onto my lap. “I want to explore what we have.”
“Me too,” Remmi responds with a happy smile.
“That’s good,” I say. “But you need to know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“What do you mean?” she asks, tilting her head and eyeing me quizzically. I like the feel of her in my arms and allow my fingertips to roam down her back.
“War changes people. Seeing what I saw and doing the things I’ve done, it taught me to be the man I am, but it’s affected me, well, all of us, in ways we never expected. My father was in the army, and I wanted to be just like him growing up. I followed in his footsteps, and when I turned twenty-one, I enlisted. My father tried to talk me out of it. I couldn’t understand why, but after I got out, I realized the scars he was carrying weren’t ones we could see. Dad buried the memories deep, but every once in a while, they would come up, and Dad would get really quiet and withdrawn. Mom was the only one who seemed to be able to pull him out of it.” I shake my head, recalling the times my father would disappear into the basement, away from me, my siblings, and Mom. Something would trigger a memory, and he’d be lost to us, sometimes for hours, other times for days.
“Your mom must be a very strong woman.”
“She is, and she loves us all with every bit of her heart,” I agree. “I went in with an idealistic view that I was protecting our country and saving the world from monsters. But there are so many monsters, and I soon found out that they come in all shapes and sizes. Ten-year-old boys and girls are becoming suicide bombers. They didn’t care if they lived or died, or who they were going to blow up along with them. I couldn’t trust any kids who approached us. I held my gun right up to their heads until someone checked them out to make sure they weren’t strapped with a bomb. Falcon was our leader and still is, but back then, his main concern was keeping us alive, no matter what the cost. I went from a clean-cut, freshly shaven kid to the man you see now. I’m wiser, more experienced, and smarter than I was before I joined the military. I’m also part of a team of men who refuse to see good people get hurt if we can help it.”
“If it wasn’t for the person you’ve become, and your friends, Dad and I would be dead. I’m grateful for the man you are,” Remmi says.
“The day I joined, Colton Reid became Wire. Every day, a little part of Colton disappeared. The young man who wanted to save the world turned into Wire, the survivor.” I take a breath. “My job is dangerous, but I can’t give it up because that’s who I am, and without it, I’d let myself down as well as my brothers. I’m careful, and I have talent. They need me, and I need them. In the past, relationships were difficult because I couldn’t commit the time to make it work. I’m willing to give you all the time I have as long as you understand my dedication to this team. In our own small way, we’re making the world a better place.” I exhale deeply. “If you can’t handle this part of who I am, I’ll leave now. I won’t bother you again, but because you mean something to me, I’ll always keep watch to make sure you’re safe.”
As soon as I mention leaving, Remmi shakes her head, her fingers tightening around my neck. “Don’t leave me! I can take it. I swear. I might be worried, even afraid for you, but I never want to change who you are. Please.”
Those are the words I want to hear more than anything. The heaviness in my gut eases, and I rest my forehead against hers. “We’ll take it slow. Okay?”
She nods.
“One day, I want you to meet my parents and my brothers and sister. They’re good people, and I know they’ll love you. I don’t go home often. My sister is married with kids. One of my brothers lives close to my parents. He’s married and has a couple of kids. He works and lives in town. My nephews are amazing, and my parents light up whenever they’re around. My dad, especially. I also see his face when I go home. He’s nervous. I think he’s afraid I have the same nightmares that he’s been living with all these years. I’ve opted to keep my visits to twice a year, and just for a day or two. It’s for the best.”
“I would love to meet them. I love kids. I often wished my parents had given me a sibling, but Mom didn’t do well with pregnancy and Dad absolutely refused to have her go through that again,” she says with a giggle.
