We order breakfast and I sip my coffee, missing the cappuccinos Felix made for me each morning on the boat.
Was that just yesterday? It feels like a lifetime ago.
“Did you read the letter?” she asks quietly.
“Ace had to leave and you said Dad wanted us to read it together.”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to wait, then.”
“Is everything okay with the two of you?”
“I don’t know. I mean, you threw us together and now I’ll never know if he really wanted to see me again or if he only came because I was in trouble and he felt he had to because of his relationship with Dad.”
“You’re a foolish girl.” Mom shakes her head, pursing her lips. “He could have sent someone else if it was just about protecting you. I’m sure there are a dozen men he trusts, like that Chains fellow he mentioned, who could have come if he wasn’t interested. Besides, I knew he wanted to see you.”
“How?”
She lifts one shoulder in a little shrug. “Your father spoke to him on occasion.”
“And he told Dad he thought about me?”
“I think so. Your dad was vague when he mentioned it, and he was very sick, so I wasn’t thinking ahead at the time.” She pauses. “I know you lost your dad, but I lost him too, and I loved him for almost all of my adult life. We met when I was just nineteen and I’ve never looked at another man. I may not have been the mother you wanted, but I was the wife he wanted, and he trusted me to do what was best for you. I failed sometimes—maybe a lot of the time—but it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I just had a different vision for what I wanted for my only child, and now I’m trying so hard to make it up to you.” She blows out a breath and looks up at the ceiling, blinking furiously in an obvious attempt not to cry in public.
“I know, Mom. I know.” I pat her hand awkwardly. I don’t know what else to do. We hashed this out in therapy but then she went and did something crazy. Again.
“So where do we go from here?” She looks resigned, as if it’s a foregone conclusion that we’ll be estranged from now on or something.
“I honestly don’t know. I understand that you thought you were doing something nice for me, but do you see how wrong it was to manipulate everyone?”
“The only person who was manipulated was you,” she responds primly, a tiny glimmer of her regular personality shining through the contrite façade she’s put on since yesterday. “Ace and Sandra both had choices. She wanted the money, and I suppose a little of that payback Ace talked about, and Ace could have said no or sent someone else. Neither of them was manipulated into doing anything. Ace would have sent someone he trusted if he truly didn’t want to see you again, and that would have been the end of it. Now, whether or not you forgive me, my question to you is, what’s going on with the two of you that you don’t seem happy?”
“I told you—I don’t know why he’s really with me.”
“What does it matter? Even if he hadn’t given you a second thought all these years, he still came and you two picked up where you left off after that night you met a decade ago. You said he wants to be together, explore a relationship. What are you waiting for? Be angry with me, cuss me to the moon and back, but why aren’t you getting on a flight to D.C. right now and letting him know you support him no matter what professional decision he makes?”
We stare at each other for a long moment, and I honestly can’t think of a single thing to say. She’s right, damn her.
This isn’t about Ace.
This is about me, my insecurities and desperate need to pretend I don’t need anyone, because other than my dad, I’ve never truly had anyone else I could count on. My relationship with my mother has been a work in progress that has taken a big hit again, but that isn’t Ace’s fault.
“It’s the middle of the night there, but if you haven’t heard from him by noon, call him. Don’t wait. Ten years was long enough, don’t you think?”
“Ten years, seven months and seventeen days.”
Chapter 27
Ace
Walking out of CIA headquarters for what’s probably the last time is a weird feeling. I wasn’t planning to quit, but the more they pushed me to take the promotion, the more I’d knew I wasn’t going to. I don’t know what I’m going to do professionally, but the plan is to get in touch with Shannon and figure out our shit together. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I want us to spend it together.
We’ve texted a few times today, but I haven’t had a chance to talk to her or tell her what’s going on since it’s been nonstop since last night.
Sandra showing up at the townhouse was a shock but finding out she’s an operative was mind-boggling. Chains sent me pictures of her, so I knew what she looked like. We had an interesting conversation, and while it turned out to be a hell of a coincidence, the story is that she was in Cologne working on something else entirely and her job at the school was merely a cover. Now that her assignment is over, she’s back in D.C. working on something else.
“Ace!” A voice calls out, and I turn, squinting in the sunlight.
