“I mean, not like, sitting by the phone or anything, but in my heart of hearts, deep down in the part of your soul you don’t let anyone see, I believed you would come back. Your service would be done or you’d retire or something, and you’d show up and tell me you’d been thinking about me the way I’d been thinking about you.”
“Oh, baby. That hurts my heart. You knew I wasn’t coming back. I told you I wasn’t coming back.”
“I know. But my heart, well, it has a mind of its own, I guess.”
“I’m sorry.”
“The night before my wedding, I couldn’t sleep. I was with my parents, so I went down to my dad’s den and sat there in the big armchair by the fire, wondering how I was going to survive being married to a man I didn’t really love. I liked him at that point and thought we were going to have a good life, but I wasn’t in love with him. Not the way I should have been. Not the kinds of feelings a woman getting married should’ve had.
“Dad came downstairs around three in the morning and found me. He knew I wasn’t happy and said we could cancel if I was having doubts. I said no because I didn’t know what else to say. He asked me what he could do, and I asked him if he knew where you were. And just like that, he understood. He knew why I’d asked and said that while he didn’t know where you were, he’d move heaven and earth to find you if I wanted him to.”
I sniffle, mortified that he might hear me cry. He’s moved closer to the edge of his bed and reaches out a hand, waiting until I close my fingers around his.
“And then I felt so stupid,” I continue in a hushed whisper. “I mean, you and I danced a few times and you kissed me. Big deal. I felt like an idiot admitting what I was feeling to my father, so I said I was just having last-minute jitters, that I was okay, to forget about it. But Dad knew me better than anyone, and he sat up with me all night, telling me stories about you from when you served with him. Telling me all the wonderful things about you that I didn’t know but somehow sensed anyway.”
“Your dad was a good man.”
“He was the best.” I sniffle again, tears starting to fall no matter how hard I try to stop them. He slowly slides across the small space between our beds, until he’s pressed up against me.
“I thought about you a lot,” he whispers, slipping under the covers so he can wrap his arms around me. “But I couldn’t come back, couldn’t be the kind of man you wanted and needed in your life. Not then.”
“But how could you know what I needed? I didn’t even know what I needed.”
“Well, they say that love is wasted on the young…and this is one of many examples of why they say it.”
“But we weren’t… Aren’t?” My voice is shaky, completely overwhelmed with emotions because I don’t know what it feels like to be in love, but I’m getting there much more quickly than I could have imagined.
“No, but whatever happened between us that night ten years ago is definitely special because it’s lasted more than a decade. Feelings like that don’t always have a label, but they should never be ignored.”
“Then why are we sleeping in separate beds and not making up for all that lost time?” I whisper, swiping at my tears and pulling away enough to look at him, despite the darkness.
“Because you mean a lot to me, and I don’t want to cheapen it.”
“There wouldn’t be anything cheap about us making love.”
I turn so we’re facing each other now, bodies close, eyes locked together. We lay there in the semidarkness not saying a word, just looking at each other. He has one hand on my hip but slowly brings it up my torso until he’s cupping the side of my face.
“I want you so much it hurts,” he whispers. “Tell me what you want.”
“You, silly. Being with you like this is like a reward for ten years, seven months and twelve days of dreaming.”
“You’re my reward for nineteen years of sacrifice for my country.” He slowly drags his lips along my jaw, pausing just before settling on my lips. “And I’m not waiting another second to claim you.”
Chapter 17
Ace
I kiss her with far more passion than I’ve ever used before. A whole decade of fantasies come true in that moment, because this is beautifully romantic and excruciatingly sensual. I want to rush and slow down all at once, which is confusing as hell. What’s not confusing is how I feel about her.
She’s still fully dressed, and I need to be skin-on-skin with her immediately because I’ve waited way too long for this. For her.
I reach out and slide up her dress, my hands resting on her thighs. “Will this come off by pulling it over your head or does it need to be unzipped?”
“Unzipped, unfortunately.” She sits up, turning her back to me. I unzip her and still her hands when she gets ready to take it off herself.
“Let me,” I whisper. “The first time I see you naked needs to be special.”
“Can you actually see me?”
